Season's Of Love
by LuckyandSamTrueLove
Summary: Buffy meets Rent. Buffy Summers is the new girl from New York. She has a secret what happens when she meets Spike and the others. Will she love and let them in on her secret. And her friends that are family move to Sunnydale. Better then it sounds.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Rent

**Chapter One**

Buffy Summers sighed and looked at her Aunt Joyce Summers. Buffy was moving to Sunnydale with her and saying she was her mother. She had to move from New York alphabet city with all the pain that is there of ones she lost that she loved, her mother, Angel, Roger and Mimi. Joyce looked at Buffy concerend her niece was 19 and finishing up schoool for her friends that have passed and she was glad but she was worried about her. She knew that Buffy was older in her matruity and thinking then most nineteen year olds and that worried her, she hoped she could relax and be kid even if it is just for a year. She glanced at a sign and looked back at Buffy brieftly.

"We will be there in 10 mintues and it will take us ten more minutes to get to the house" Joyce said. She was glad that Buffy agreed to go with her she was actually shocked and she knew her sister Melinda would be happy for her daughter. She knew also how hard it would be for Buffy to live the kind of life she will have here where she doesn't have to steal electricty and such and live a normal and not bohemian life.

"Okay" Buffy commented. She looked down at her clothes they were what she couldn't give up. She was dressed in a pair of black leggings and a denimi mini skirt and a red top and she had on black high heeled stellito boots. Her blond hair was down and curled and she had it long it went to the middle of her back and her make up was done dark. "Do I really have to start school today?"

They would get there at 5 that morning and Buffy was to be in school at 6. "Yes you do that was what the school asked for" Joyce said. The school knew of her situation and they wouldn't tell the other students which would make life eaiser for Buffy. "So we can stop by the house and you can work on your room for a half a hour and then we will head out" she said as she drove down the streets. "Here is the house" she said when she pulled in the driveway and stoped the car.

Buffy got out and looked over the house as she grabbed her bag and slammed the car door. She took it all in it would be the first house she ever lived in. She has always lived in that same loft across the hall from Mark, Roger, Collins, and Benny one floor up from Mimi. "It is different" she said as she walked up the front porch behind Joyce.

"I hope you will like it" Joyce said as she unlocked the front door and walked in. She was here a few weeks ago and had all the rooms set up other then Buffy's she left that up to her. "I will show you your room and we can get your bags" she said. She had moved all her stuff in a few weeks ago. She led Buffy up the stairs and made a left and opened the bedroom door. The room had boxes all over it and her bed was in the middle of the room. "I left it like this so you can decide how you want it" she said. "I will be in my room putting my stuff away and then I will be able to help you." She left the room and headed down the hall into hers as she unpacked her small suitcase. She hoped that Buffy would be happy here but she knew it would take a period of adjustment.

After she left Buffy looked around. It was a nice room the walls were wallpapered in a biege and white stripe that was horizontal. She decided to get her bags first and left the room and hurried out to the car and grabbed two and brought them back in. As she walked up the steps she ran into Joyce. "There is four more left" she said and went and put the bags in her room. She saw Joyce coming down the hall with two more suitcases and Buffy hurried and got the last two and came back in.

"I will get you in a half hour and we can go" Joyce said and left Buffy to her room. Buffy was a quiet girl well at least around here in this new place but in New York she was more different out going. She knew that she couldn't stop Buffy from taking up her old job of stripper but she hoped that she could find another job.

Buffy watched her go and worked on the bed first. She checkedout the room and decided to put it under the windows like her bed was in New York. She looked thorugh the boxes and found her bedding and made her bed. She next put on her beads in the doorway that was in her bedroom door back in the loft. She put out her pictures next on the nightstand on either side of the bed. And the other furinature in the room was a dresser and a vanity with a mirror and a whicker chair. She would do her clothes later and she got everything else out and by the time Joyce came and got her the room was like it was back home for her the only thing different is the wallpaper. "I will put my clothes away later" she said and grabbed her bag.

"Okay you can do it when you feel like it no rushing" Joyce said. "I put a laptop in your room I mean if you ever want to use it, it is ready for you." She knew that Buffy never had a computer and wasn't sure the girl would even want one.

"Thank you but I really don't know to much technolgy giver me a phone and answer machine and stove and washing machine and dryer and tv and stero that is all I can work. Thank you for teaching me how to use the mini phone you got me the rest of the stuff in the house I can figure out easy" Buffy said. She knew how to work most of the stuff but somethings the like VCR and DVD player and computers she had no idea how to.

"You just let me know when you need help figuring something out" Joyce said. She drove them to the school and parked and stopped the car. "Well lets go and talk to the princple they are also going with the story I am your mother."

"Okay" Buffy said softly and watched the other students. She would be the oldest one there and felt it in age and in mind and spirit.

"Do you have your AZT?" Joyce asked. She knew Buffy took it everyday at 3 and it was important for her to, it would keep the HIV in check and delay it from turning into AIDs as long as possible.

"Yeah I never forget it" Buffy pulled it out of her bag. She got out of the car and sighed and looked at her aunt before they walked inside Sunnydale High together. She felt eyes on her and could hear whispers.

She was the new girl and all the students were buzzing about her. Some thought she looked hot and others thougth she looked like a freak. That is the whispers William "Spike" Giles walked into the school hearing with his friends Xander Harris, and Willow Rosenberg. He saw a guy he knew Oz and waved him over. "Why is everyone whispering mate?"

"New girl" Oz said and shrugged.

"New girl" Xander said and grinned. "Is she hot?"

"Yeah she is cute" Oz said and glanced at Willow. He had a crush on the red head for a year now and in his opinion the new girl had nothing on the beautiful smart red head.

"Well maybe this school can get interesting with a new girl" Spike smirked. He was a outcast in the school same as his friends but he and the others didn't care. They liked who they are and they were the best of friends. "Wonder if the girl will be like us or like them" he rolled his eyes and pointed toward Cordelia Chase and Angelus "Angel" O'Connor.

"I hope she is nice" Willow said. She would love another girl in the group to be friends with someone she could talk to about things that you can't talk to boys about.

"She looked sad" Oz said. He always looked into a person eyes and hers looked sad and old he noticed as she passed him by.

"We should try and make friends when we see her" Willow said and the others were ready to agree when they heard the bell. They hurried to their lockers so they could get to their first class of the day without detention, Willow was the only one that cared about dention the guys did it to humor her.

As he bell rang Buffy and Joyce were sitting down in front of the princple, Princple Synder who looked liked a rat. "Well Miss. Summers I have read you history and what you completed of school so far. You are behind and will have to work to catch up. I am not going to lie and say I won't be watching you I will" he said.

"But is that fair to treat her like she is different" Joyce spoke up defending her niece now daughter.

"She is different and I have to make sure that things go smoothly" he said coldly. "Now here is her schedule locker number and such. Now it is time for her to get class" he said leading them out of his office and went back into his office shutting the door behind him.

"I will see you at home after school" Joyce said. "You remember how to get there?"

"Yeah I will be fine walking. I can remeber directions easy I am a New Yorker remember. If I can walk through the streets I did I can handle Sunnydale" Buffy said to her aunt and sighed. "I will see you at home later on" she said and turned and walked out of the office. She looked at her schedule as she walked into the near empty hallway as she searched for her room she heard the warning and bell and sighed. "Great late on the first day" she said to herself. Finaly she located the room and knocked before going on.

"You must be the newest member of the class welcome" the woman smiled welcomly. Buffy stepped in farther not glancing at anyone. "Everyone this is Buffy Summers tell us a bit about you."

Buffy mentaly reviewed what she would keep to herself. "Well as you just heard the names Buffy Summers and I am from New York. I am nineteen and a senior and that is all that is important to know."

"Wow you must be dumb to still be in school" a brunette snicked from the back that caused most everyone else to laugh along with her. Buffy glared at the girl and kept the ass kicking inside of her.

"No princess I had to drop out to get a job to help my mother but a girl like you the only thing you worry about is do I look good today you couldn't make it in my world" Buffy said harshly.

The teacher stepped in quickly. "Miss. Summers you can sit next to Miss. Rosenberg" she pointed to a seat in the back next to a redhead. Buffy walked to the seat and sat down and looked ahead.

"Hi I am Willow" the red head turned to her and smiled and held out her hand.

"Buffy" Buffy shook the red heads hand. She wasn't sure she was ready to make friends here. She wondered what Joanne, Maureen, Collins, and Benny and Mark were doing at that moment, she missed them so much they were more then friends they were her family.

"How about I show you around?" Willow offered.

"Sure I need to get to learn the place" Buffy said glad that someone was nice enough to offer. For the rest of the class she took notes trying and when she got bored she kept telling her this was for the ones that did not make it to live to see another day. At the end of the class Willow showed her, her next class, it seemed theyhad all classes together. When it was time for lunch Willow told Buffy she could sit with her and her friends and she agreed.

After getting her lunch which was just a piece of fruit and a drink. She was use to not eating a lot heck going without food period.

"This way" Willow said to Buffy after she had her tray of food. She led Buffy over to the table and sat down and smiled as Buffy sat next to her. Willow could tell what Oz met that morning, Buffy had a guard up but her green eyes just screamed out her emotions, at times she was sad, other times happy when lost in thought, other times she looked angry for no reason. "Guys this is Buffy Summers. Buffy that is Xander Harris, Oz Ozborne, and Spike Giles."

"Hi" Buffy shook hands with them each. When she got to Spike she shook his hand and felt a shock go through her body. The last time she felt that she was 15 and met her first love Micheal. He was the one that got her into the life she knew of drugs, unprotected sex with him, and her stripping. She felt like she had to get away it was to dangerous to feel like this.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Buffy The Vampire Slayer or Rent.

**Chapter Two**

_Previously on Seasons Of Love..._

_"Hi" Buffy shook hands with them each. When she got to Spike she shook his hand and felt a shock go through her body. The last time she felt that she was 15 and met her first love Micheal. He was the one that got her into the life she knew of drugs, unprotected sex with him, and her stripping. She felt like she had to get away it was to dangerous to feel like this._

She stopped herself just in time she knew it would be strange to the new peopel if she suddenly took off. She wanted to blend in and not draw attention to herself. She saat down and looked down at her food she took a sip of her drink.

"Is that are you are going to eat?" Willow asked her new friend.

"Yeah I am not that hungry" Buffy said and took a bite of her apple. She was dying for a hit but she couldn't not on school grounds. They were still watching her closely so she would have to time it perfectly when she would take one. But she planned on taking a hit when she got home she knew that the herion was killing her faster but she didn't care it made her feel good. Suddenly she realized everyone was looking at her and she blushed. "I am sorry what did you say."

"I was just asking how come you moved to the old Sunnydale?" Xander asked with a mouthful of twinkie. He thought she was hot but he didn't have a crush on her or anything. He got this feeling she was guarding something and he wasn't sure what.

"Oh I had to get away from New York a lot of stuff happened there and I just needed a new spot. My mom found a art gallery here to open up so here we are." She had rehearsed her story for days before she could say it with a straight face. She also was not going to go into to much detail since she could froget things and say something different the next time she told the story.

"Wow you lived in New York what was it like?" Willow asked after she swallowed a bite of her food.

"It was home" Buffy said. "It is where home still is. I miss it" she admited. She could admit this much to these people she could talk about the city and a few things of her friends but not to much. "And it isn't like the movies it isn't all glamerous it is a rough place but heaven on earth to me" she said. She wondered what they were doing right now Maureen was proably planning a new protest and just thinking of it made her laugh.

They all noticed when she laughed her eyes sparkled and she looked happy and she changed when she looked at them she had a front up like she was hiding from them guarding herself not letting anyone in. Buffy was trying not to let them in but for some reason she had a feeling she could trust these four and that scared her. If she told them her secret they would turn tail and run no one understood her and her secret unless they have it or they know others that do.

"So what part of the city did you live in?" Oz asked. He had some family there and they all lived in grenich village and such.

"I lived in alphatbet city as they call it" Buffy said to them. "It is a part of the city that many people don't go in. It isn't the rich and pertty neighborhood" she explained quickly. "And many people live there never get out except the select view." That just made her think of Benny who did when he married into money.

"I mean that sounds rough" Willow said. "I would be happy to live somewhere safer."

Buffy laughed and smiled at the redhead, she was younger then Buffy and had a more niave look at the world. No place was perfect Buffy knew that not even Sunnydale. "I feel safer there then here. People know me and I trust people and we always looked out for each other. It is a lot harder starting over here in a place I don't know anyone. And a place I don't know that well when I am missing alphatbet city."

"It sounds like you are grieveing over not being there kitten" Spike said speaking up. He saw her face as she talked about home it went through every emotion, happiness all the way to sadness and all of the emotions in between. That place had a hold on her he could already tell and she was itching to go back. It was crazy to say this already but he wanted her to stay wanted to get to know her so much better she was different then any girl he has ever met and he liked that she wasn't fake she didn't pretend to be happy or anything or pretend to be someone she wasn't.

"Yes I do honestly. Leaving there killed me inside. I grieved and still am. But I need to be here to just be somewhere else for a bit. After graduation I am going back the old room is still open for me. It will always be there when I go back" Buffy said and sighed. She loved sharing with Collins, Maureen and Joanne, and Mark. After Mimi and Roger died they all moved into the flat and Benny was staying on the couch as him and his wife are divorcing.

"Well I hope you will let us be your friends while your here pet" Spike said. "In fact me and the band Dingo's Ate My Baby is playing at this club called the Bronze you should come" he said.

Buffy thought for a moment and then nodded. She was calling a club owner when she got home for a job. She would being doing the job she always did she was going to strip and serve in a gentlmen's club. She would go to the Bronze after that. "What time should I be there?"

"Well how about 6 and you can listen to them do a sound check and we can find a seat close to the stage" Willow said. She was the band's best and biggest fan. And she didn't know that Oz had a crush on her to the same as she had a crush on him. Everyone but them could see it already Buffy could tell the way they would steal a glance to the other when the other one wasn't looking.

"Sure I can be there" Buffy said. She finished off her food and drink and her cell. She looked down and saw what her Aunt called a text message. It was to her from Joyce it said, 'I hope your day is going okay and don't forget your pills at 3 see you at home later on.' She was getting use to being checked up on more then usual. Sure she was always checked on back in New York more so they checked on each other they didnt' want to lose another member of the family so soon.

"Great" Spike smiled. He hoped to impress her tonight and maybe peak her interest in him. He wanted to get the girl something about her said that she was the missing puzzle peace in his life.

Lunch flew by and slowly Buffy let them in a bit. By the end of lunch she knew she would become good friends with them but some secrets she would keep to herself. Secrets that only her family knew about it was better for everyone that way. They didn't need to watch her die one day at least her family has seen it with others and it would be easier for them. She looked at her schedule as she stood up. "I have health class" she said and sighed.

"So I do I kitten" Spike smiled. That was one class together. He knew that Willow and Xander were in there to Oz was the only one that had a free period. After saying bye to Oz the four of them set off to class with Buffy in the middle of the group. She did not even notice a dark eyed, dark haired boy staring at her.

"So that is the new girl she is a babe" Angel said and smirked and Larry. "She would be good for a piece on the side since Cordelia won't give up" he shook his head. "I need some before I scream" he said. Cordelia was hot that was the only reason he was still dating her while he got his satisfaction from other girls.

"Yeah she is hot" Larry agreed. "I mean look at the way she dresses and walks. She has to be a slut with the way she is shaking all she has as she walks. And she is from New York you know how big city girls are much more advanced" he chuckled.

"Very true my friend very true" Angel slapped Larry on the back. When the bell rang he sighed. "I will see after school my house to chill invite the team" he said. He was on the football and was quaterback. He got whatever he wanted and whoever he wanted and he wanted the new girl and would get her.

Buffy walked into the classroom and the others led her to seats in the back and she sat down. She almost went pale at the subject on the boards it was one word Aids. She looked around and saw the people wasn't even paying attention to the words.

The teacher walked in talking after the warning bell rang and everyone was in their seats. "Recently a study shows the people think that can't get Aids when the possiblity is high. More then likely one of you will get it before your twenty five with more and more people having unprotected sex. What are other ways to get Aids?"

Willow raised her hand and was called on. "Blood transfusions, and sharing needles" she said and the teacher nodded.

"You know the only people that get Aids are the loser" Cordelia Chase said. "I mean if you have unprotected sex your stupid and if you do drugs your stupid it is there own fault. Now the ones that get it through blood trasnfusions that is bad luck" she said.

"What do you think of person that has aids like say one of your friends said what would be your first reaction? Would you treat them the same or differently? I know most of you want to say the same but you would treat them differently" the teacher said. She heard the portest go up and but she looked at them.

"I think you would treat that person different" Buffy said speaking up. "I mean you would think what kind of person is that to get aids do we even know them. You would slowly start to pull away and even though people know they can't get it by just touchign a person they would be scared of getting it anyway and they would hear people talk when it came out and dont' want to be assoicated with the person that has it" she said. She has seen it happen to people in the past and that is why she kept hers quiet.

"You bring up a good point Miss. Summers. You can't get it through hugging and normal human contact. But yet people are scared of getting it and being in contact with someone that does." The teacher said. The new one seemed informed about the subject while the others were lost and it was nice to have one smart one in the class.

"I think you shouldn't treat a person bad for it. I mean they are stil people not a walking disease. And you can't know how they got it. So why should it matter if they have it or not they are human and still need to be treated like that" Spike said and leaned back in his chair. He saw Buffy glance him and looked at him suprised he would say that and there was something else in her eyes he wasn't sure what.

Buffy was suprised by what Spike said but happy. By the end of class she was bored. She knew all there was to know about HIV and aids she had it she knew it all. She couldnt' be taught anything new it was the same old information she got from the clinics when she went for new medication. She stood up and gathered her books up and looked at her schedule. She had gym next and then english and it was time to go home.

"What do you have next?" Spike asked and leaned over her shoulder.

"Gym and hten English." Buffy said and looked at him.

"So do I" Spike grinned. "I will show you the way since Will and Xander here have different schedules."

"Great thank you" Buffy smiled. "See you Willow and Xander" she said to her new friends. She left the classroom with Spike. "You guys seemed like you known each other a long time."

"All of our lives" Spike said proudly.

"But you should english when did you move here?"

"When I was five I moved her with my dad Rupert Giles he is the librian here and my mum Jenny Giles" Spike said. He missed his mum who died of cancer two years ago. "My mum died two years ago so me and my da."

"I am sorry about your mom I know it is hard to lose a family member. And it gets harder each time" Buffy said softly and looked down. Spike noticed this and had a feeling this girl has lost a lot of people in her life.

"You lost someone your close to?"

"Yes four actually it got harder each time" Buffy said honestly. She hoped he didn't ask of what she had no idea what she would say. When they reached the gym he showed her where to go and she go ther uniform and got changed. She didn't have time to talk to Spike since they had the gym divded into boys and girls but he was waiting for her after class. "Hey" she smiled at him when she came out of the locker room.

"Hey" Spike said. He felt like a shy school boy around her. She was so beautiful and he felt like he was lucky to even be around her. "Time for English love" he said.

"I hope I do good its been years since I been in school. I dropped out when I was sixteen" she said to him. "I did some stuff to catch up so I wouldn't be back in 10th grade" she said. She knew that he knew how old she was.

"How come you dropped out?" Spike asked as they walked down the hallway side by side.

"Life happened" Buffy said after thinking a moment. She couldn't say I had to because I found out I had Hiv my mom died of that year and I need to make money to live before a education.

"I get it not ready to talk about that" Spike said and smiled. He understood they just met and she needs time to get to know them. "So here is the directions for the Bronze" he said and handed her a slip of paper.

"Thanks I was going to ask you how to get there" she said. She put the address in her bag as they walked into english and got seats next to each other. The class passed by and Spike walked her to her locker before going to his. She heard the beeper go off pressed the button and took her AZT she did not even need water to take it. She put the bottle back in her purse and shut her locker. She walked out front and saw her friends and waved and started walking down the sidewalk.

"Hey you need a ride home?" Spike called out.

Buffy turned and nodded and he waved her over. She walked over to him and looked at him. "I mean if you don't mind I don't want you to feel obligated to."

"I want to" Spike said. "You can ride with me to drop off Xander first and Willow rides with Oz."

"Well okay then" Buffy said. "See you tonight" she told Willow and Oz as they left in his van. Buffy got in the front seat and Xander in the back and Spike behind the wheel. Soon they were pulling out of the parking lot heading for Xanders. She sat back quietly and listened to Xander and Spike argue over who was the best super hero.

"See you later Buffy" Xander said as he got out of the car. "See you at the Bronze" he said to Spike and went inside.

"Are you sure you two are eighteen?" Buffy asked tesingly. "I mean you argued about superhero's" she giggled.

"Hey batman is way better then spider man. Spiderman the bloody bloke all he does is shot webs out of his hands while batman can fight and is strong and has cool cars and stuff."

"I always like Robin he was cute" Buffy said.

"Well Robin is a nacny boy" Spike muttered. It was dumb but he was jelous because Buffy thought he was cute.

"Oh my house is right up this street" Buffy said to him. He found it quickly and parked out front. "See you tonight" Buffy said to him.

"See you then Pet" Spike said and she got out of the car. He drove off after he was sure she was inside. He went home to get ready for the night he wanted to look extra special and he had no idea that Buffy was doing the same thing at her place. She had no idea why she wanted to look good since she wasn't going to have a romance with Spike anytime soon but she wanted to impress him and look good for him anyway. She wondered if coming to Sunnydale did help or if it made some of the issues tougher and harder. Only time would tell and she was at the mercy of time it was out of her hands and not in her control anymore,it was all in destiny's hands.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Buffy The Vampire Slayer or Rent

**Chapter Three**

_Previously on Season of Love..._

_"See you then Pet" Spike said and she got out of the car. He drove off after he was sure she was inside. He went home to get ready for the night he wanted to look extra special and he had no idea that Buffy was doing the same thing at her place. She had no idea why she wanted to look good since she wasn't going to have a romance with Spike anytime soon but she wanted to impress him and look good for him anyway. She wondered if coming to Sunnydale did help or if it made some of the issues tougher and harder. Only time would tell and she was at the mercy of time it was out of her hands and not in her control anymore,it was all in destiny's hands._

Buffy walked into the Bronze and looked around. She felt some guys eyes on her and shrugged then smile when she thought of Mimi. Mimi loved to command attention when she walked into the room but she did love Roger and was always faithful to him. Buffy was dressed in a pair of black leggings a dark denimi mini skirt and a red tank top and had on knee high black boots that she got from Mimi. She looked around till she spoted her new friends.

She waved and walked over to them and sat at the free chair at the table. "Hey this place was easy to fine. This place reminds me of my old neighborhood" Buffy smiled and laughed.

Willow wished she could pull off the same look as Buffy. But Willow wasn't the kind of person that would look good in that. She had a feeling Buffy would look beautiful in no matter what she wore. "I am glad you could make it" she said to her new friend sincerly.

"Yeah your the last here" Xander grinned. "Spike is getting us drinks including you. We got you a pepsi if that is okay."

"Yeah that is fine" Buffy said and smiled. She knew the Maureen, Joanne, Collins, and Benny would like that. They would approve of the way they took her under her wing. They were worried about her moving out here not knowing anyone.

"Hey Pet" Spike said and walked up to the table. He sat down next to her and began passing out drinks. "Did you have trouble finding the place?" He thought she looked beauitful different then the other girls. She didn't dress in designer clothes she dressed how she felt and he liked that about her, they way she dressed fit her.

"No I told them it was easy. These streets remind me of alphatbet city in New York. We were not the clean part of New York we are the ones where the nobodies and maybes live" Buffy said honeslty. When she goes back she was going to stay in the room in the apartment that mark, maureen and Joanna are staying in. Benny had the apartment above theres so they would see each other all the time.

"I have never heard any streets described as Alphabet city before in New York" Xander said. "How come they call them that?"

"Well come streets or avenues are letters and a few numbers so it is a mix. We have always called it Alphabet City since all the streets are connected and house the same kind of people. We also have a tent city where the homeless live."

"Wow sounds interesting" Willow said. "How come you left the city?"

"I left because I just needed to get away. I was dealing with some major pain I still I am and Joy I mean my mom thought it was best I got away. I just miss it so much I miss seeing my family and being there for them everday" Buffy said painfuly and looked down.

The others could feel her pain and hurt in her voice and her eyes. They all glanced at each other both knowing the other wanted to make her feel better to smile a genuine smile. They have only seen a few out of her and face just lit up. They wondered what got her to smile proably thinking about her friends.

"Well time for some karokee time" the owner of the Bronze said up on stage. "Any volunteers to go first?"

Buffy could sing she loved to and she would. She was glad she kept the music for the songs Take Me Out Today, Seasons Of Love, and No Day but today. She lifted her hand up and was waved on stage. She explained what she wanted to a band and smiled when they said they would do it. She walked up to the mike and cleared her troath. "This first song is for a old friend she sang this with me and this is dedicated to you. I miss you my soul sister" she said.

She began to sing Take Me Out Tonight and closed her eyes. She got lost in the song and sang it with so much feeling and was smiling broadly by the time she got through to the end of the song. "The next one up is how me and my friends feel about life and what makes life worth living." She began to sing Seasons Of Love next and got tears in her eyes. Love did get you through life it made it worth living even if it hurt.

"This last song is called No Day But Today it really says alot. You just have today to live since you never know if you are going to be around the day after" Buffy smiled softly. Once the music started she began to sing.

They watched her sing each was amazed. She felt the words of each song and believed them and lived them. They watched all the emotions go across her face and they knew these songs were the world to her. They clapped along with everyone else.

Buffy got off the stage and smiled. Another night she would sing Rogers song to Mimi. She lifted her face up and blew a kiss toward the sky thinking I missing you guys so much I love you all. That is when someone bumped into her and she glared, it was the dark haired girl Cordelia. "Watch where you are going princess."

"Do not think just cause you can sing that you are going to be cool. You are just not, you are dressed like a freak that is all you will ever be" Cordelia said snidly. She had to make sure that no one other then the losers wanted to be her friends.

"Oh don't worry I don't want to be friends with your kind. I might turn into a stuck up snobby bitch with the I am better then everyone. Little girl you wouldn't make it in the real world it would chew you up and spit you out and I can't wait to see that" Buffy got her face and pushed her back. "And don't push me again because I can garuntee you will be the one bruised and bloddy with your hair pulled out. Now move" Buffy pushed pass her.

Cordelia glared and tried to open her mouth to yell at the blond girl. But nothing came out for the first time ever Cordelia Chase had nothing to say back to someone. She just watched the new girl walk away glaring at her the whole time with her arms folded across her chest.

"You were brilliant my hero" Xander pulled Buffy into a kiss and kissed her on the cheek.

"Um I didn't know I was that good" Buffy said. "I mean I have sang before but I have never got that reception before" she said and shrugged.

"Oh it wasn't the singing. We heard and saw you stand up to Cordy. No one has ever made queen C speechless" Willow said and giggled.

"Well she has never met anyone like me and I am not one to be bullied or intimdated. I did mean what I said I can kick ass" Buffy said. "I am not afraid to do it either" she shrugged.

"You are the most amazing woman in here" Spike said. "All the others would let her bully them and push them around. Not you, you gave her a dose of her own medice" Spike grinned. "Another round for us" he said.

Buffy smiled glad she had some good friends. The rest of the night passed quickly and she looked at her watch. Tommrow this time she will be working at the Kitty Kat lounge and would be making so good money again. "I am calling it a night" she said and stood.

"Us to"Xander and Willow said standind up also. "Ride?" he asked Willow. "See you tommrow both told her before leaving."

"Need a ride home kitten?" Spike asked her.

"Yeah that would be great" Buffy said walking out with him. "I had a great time tonight."

"I am glad it was good to see you smile" he said to her and smiled softly. He held the car door of the destoto open for her. He watched her get in and get comfortable.

"I was happy" Buffy said and smiled. "I mean I can be happy while I am here but I do miss my friends and family. I will always when I am away from people that understand me better then anyone else. Heck when I die I am being buried with friends" she said.

"Death you are already thinking about it being so young" Spike said shocked.

"Like the one song I sang was about No Day But Today. You are only garunteeed today you are never garunteed tommrow. I live each day for each day and make sure I have no regrets for when death comes knocking."

"You seem so much older then 19" Spike said amazed. She sound like a world weary older woman that has seen all that life has to offer.

"When you grow up where I did you grow up fast and become a adult quicker" Buffy said softly.

"I can tell and that is sad that you can't be a kid."

"I am fine with it, I love my life. It is what I make it and I am making it full and complete."

"Did you have a boyfriend back home?"

"I.. I did" Buffy offered. "He and I are no longer together." That was the truth but she left out how he gave her HIV and died of it himself. She remembered she had a doctors visit in the morning with the clinic. "Here is my house" she said when she saw it.

He parked and smiled at her. "I will see you tommrow" he said to her. He wanted to kiss her so bad but he resisted the urge he did not want to scare her away just yet. He wanted her to trust him and be his friend before he tried to purse anything more with her.

"I will see you then" Buffy said. She jumped out of the car and hurried inside with one final wave to Spike. As she shut the front door she heard Spikes car drive off. "Oh hey Joyce" she said when her aunt walked into the hallway.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" Joyce asked. She wanted her niece to have a good time and maybe she would change her mind about the type of life she wanted to live after she graduated.

"Yeah it was like I was use to but it was fun. Listen I have to tell you this" she tookd a deep breath. She knew her aunt would try and talk her out of her job but she would not be swayed and Joyce had a right to know what was going on. "I am going back to work tommrow night. I am working at the Kitty Kat lounge."

"Couldn't you try something different a normal job?" Joyce pleaded. "I mean you can always go back to that work if you go back to New York. But be a new Buffy here" she said. She didn't want her niece to die to early cause of her job.

"No I don't know how to do anything else and it gives me enough money to live on. I am going back Joyce it is my job and my life. I am comfortable in that line of work and I am not a whore I strip I don't go home with the customers."

"Fine I know I can't change your mind" Joyce sighed. "Just becareful."

"I always am I have been doing it enough to know how to stay safe. Good night Joyce" Buffy said and walked up to her room. As she got ready for bed she ran over the events of the night. She did finds friends ones she might even come to regard as family one day but she would go back to New York so it might not be a good idea to get attached to anyone.

The next day she woke up and showered. She put on a pair red leggings and a white denimi mini skirt and a red off the shoulder top and had on a pair of black heels. Her blond hair was down and wavy and her make up done the way she wanted. And she grabbed her bag and yelled bye to Joyce and headed to school. When she got there she found her new friends waiting for her. They chatted till school started and her day was on a roll. She got out of plans for the night by saying she was doing something with her mom. At home she got her stuff together and headed to work. She was given a tour of the place and showed the dressing rooms and where she could put her stuff. She was up second and had her new routine all done. By the end of the night she made 700 dollars which wasn't bad for night one. She went home and went to bed glad that she did not run into any guys from school. If she did she would have to find a way to make sure they did not recognize her. The next month passed in a routine. School hanging out with her friends on the nights she did not work and working on nights she had to. She was making good money and such and she has yet to tell her friends her secrets. One day after school she took her pills when she heard a voice behind her.

"I notice you take thos everyday love how come?" It was Spike and he was curious, he had noticed that everyday at this time she took pills when she looked at a beeper. He wondered what the pills were and why she took them and maybe now he would get some answers.

"They are for..."


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Buffy The Vampire Slayer or Rent.

**Chapter Four**

_Previously on Season's of Love..._

_"I notice you take thos everyday love how come?" It was Spike and he was curious, he had noticed that everyday at this time she took pills when she looked at a beeper. He wondered what the pills were and why she took them and maybe now he would get some answers._

_"They are for..."_

"They are for.." Buffy said trying to think of something. She couldn't tell the truth not just yet. "They are for headaches. I get really bad headaches each day." She hoped that would fly since that would mean that she at least didn't have to hide taking them anymore.

"Oh okay as long as you are okay" Spike said and smiled. He didn't know whether to believe her or not. If she wasn't ready to tell him the truth that was fine with him whatever she was comfortable with. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Not to much going to hang around the house. Call the family back in New York and see how they are" Buffy said. She hated this day, it was the day that Roger died last year. Three days out of the year are the saddest and hit home for her. One day her family would be celebrating her death each year.

"If you want to me and the gang would like to hang out. This week we haven't really got to" Spike said and smiled. They have missed hanging out with her she has told them she had been busy each and every night.

"Yeah just say around 8" Buffy said. "Since it is friday we don't have to worry about the time" she shrugged. Back in New York she would not care the time any day of the week. She was in school now and was trying to graduate for all her fallen family and friends.

"Okay I will tell them see you tonight pet" Spike touched her arm before he walked away and to his car. He smiled and waved one last time as he pulled out of the parking lot. He hoped one day soon that Buffy will want to tell them their secrets. He knew as did Willow and Xander and Oz they would accept her no matter what her past was and what she was hiding.

Buffy watched him go and started to walk home. She was suprised to hear a car horn and turned and saw a black converatable. And a guy with dark hair and dark eyes was behind the wheel. She has no idea who he is and why he would be honking at her when she has seen him with Queen C as she was called.

"Hi Buffy right" Angel said smoothly pulling the car to a stop next to her. He let his eyes wander over her taking her all in. She looks like she might end up being the best and hottest lay he has ever had in his life.

"Hi" Buffy said looking at him confused. "Did you need something?"

"Yeah I saw you walking alone and thought you could use a ride" he gave her his most charming smiled.

Buffy saw the smile and knew that kind of smile. They didn't work on her they reminded her of the smiles the men would give her while she danced on stage or while giving them lap dances. "I am fine I have to stop somewhere anyway" she said. "Thanks for the offere" she flashed him a smile and turned and walked away.

Angel watched her go and growled. She turned him down he couldn't believe it, no girl ever turned him down. He hit the steering wheel watching her go. He would have her soon and he just might make sure all the guys know she is his and not to go near her. The ones that might not listen are those losers she is around and and he would have to make them understand by force. He pulled away tires sqealing as he thought of a plan and how to make sure Cordelia never found out.

Buffy sighed when she heard him pull away. She got the creeps from that guy. He seemed to charming and from what she has heard he is a player and not faithful to Cordelia. If he thinks she is some slut that he is just going to sleep with on the side he is wrong. She isn't that kind of girl well not anymore. After Micheal died she went crazy and for a few months ended up with sleeping with around 100 guys. She regreted that so much and after her friends sat her down and talked to her she changed. She headed home and shut the door she saw a note sayign Joyce was away for a week for a business trip. She picked up the phone and dialed the fimilar number.

"Hey Buffy" Mark said picking up the phone. They didn't have ID caller but she was the only one that would call at this time on this day.

"Hey Mark" she said softly. She walked up the steps to her room and begain stripping. "How you holding up today?"

"Okay it is getting easier. We just all wish you were here" Mark said as he looked at the others.

"So do I, it does not feel right being out here on this day. I should be there with you all. Did.. did you go to the grave yet?"

"Yes we went a hour ago" Mark said. Everyone had tears in their eyes. They lost Roger last year on this day and hurt them all so much. "We put on on some flowers for you."

"Thank you" Buffy said as she began to cry. "It feels like our family isn't whole anymore not without them. And one day when I am gone you guys will be grieveing more."

"We don't even want to think about you dying" Mark said. As he said that Maureen and Joanne silenty began to cry. "Today is a day we can't think about anyone else dying" he said and patted Tom Collins on the back. "We miss you and hope you come home soon."

"I am back as soon as I graduate. This is my not home my home is there with you guys. Your my family and I don't have to hide who I am and stuff. I can be me and do what I want to do and not hide it being afraid of what people think."

"How is your new group of friends?" Mark and everyone was glad she did fine some friends and not lonely. But that did not mean they didn't want her to come back because they did. She was there family it was not whole without here there with them.

"They are good. They are still not you though. They won't be close like you guys. I haven't told them anything really. They don't know about the HIV and such and they have no idea what I do for a job" Buffy shrugged.

"Are you going to tell them?" Mark asked.

"Honestly I am not sure. I mean you guys are understanding you have known from day one they are new people in my life. I am not sure how they will react. They can say one thing and act another way" she said honeslty. "I just need to give it more time before I decide."

"Very true. Just know that if you ever need to talk day or night one of us is always here. And I just finished a new doctumentary. I will have to send it to you, it is to bring more awareness to Aids. Your in it if you don't mind."

"Not at all and I bet Roger Mimi and Angel and Collins are in it to?"

"Yeah I couldn't do one and not include them" Mark smiled softly. Everythign he has ever done since they were teenagers included them all. She was the youngest of the group while everyone else was 22 or 23. But they have been friends forever and Mark couldn't imagine life if they were not.

"You have to send it to me I can't wait to see it. I bet it will be great like them all."

"One step ahead of you I sent you a copy today in the mail."

"I will look for it then" she said. She looked at the time and sighed. "I better go Mark and I love you guys. I miss you and can't wait to see you again" she said and looked down. "And thanks for putting flowers on Marks grave for me when you went" she said tears in her eyes. After saying good bye she put the phone down and laid on the bed and cried. She got dressed a hour later and ended up in tears again when she glanced at a pictuer of her Mimi and Roger.

"I love you guys and miss you all" Buffy picked up the picture and kissed each of them and then kissed a picture of Angel. She thought of them everyday. They would never be forgotten as long as she lived and Mark would always include them in the documtentiars as long as they all lived they would live on in his films. The door bell rang as she sat down the picture she wiped her eyes and went downt eh steps. "Coming" she called out.

"Hey" Willow smiled when Buffy opened the door. "You okay?" she saw the Buffy's eyes were red and looked sadder then usual.

Buffy was suprised but she shouldn't be. She has figured how observante Willow is. "I just got off the phone with my friends. I just miss them is all its very lonely at times without my family here" she said honestly.

"Well no more need to be lonely we are here kitten" Spike said as they walked inside. "Where is your mom at?" Normaly Joyce would be there to greet them.

"She is just away for a week" Buffy shrugged. She shut the door behind them all and they all walked into the living room.

"Nice guitar" Oz said seeing Rogers proped up against the wall.

"Thanks it was one of my best friend Rogers" Buffy said. "He had a bad and was very into music. He was solo for a few years before he um died" she looked down. "He did get to write a song before he died that no one has played before."

"Man I am sorry Buffy" Xander said. He has not lost anyone close to him before. He did not know how it felt and he could tell that Buffy was sad.

"At least he is free of pain" Buffy said and smiled softly. "And he is with Mimi again so that is all that matters.Now what movies are we watching tonight?"

Spike wanted to ask more but could tell she was done offerieng imformation for the night. He held them up and she nodded and smiled.

"I got the food all ready in the kitchen" Buffy said. She led them into the kitchen and as she was getting drinks the door bell rang. She left the kitchen and went and answered the door. It was a delievery man and she smiled.

"I have a package for Buffy Summers" the young man said.

"That is me."

"Sign here" he held out the clip board.

Buffy took the clipboard and signed it. She took the package and shut the door. She sat it down on the dining room table and opened the box. She smiled at the title Actual Relaity Fight Aids.

"Whats that?" Xander asked stuffing a chip in his mouth and chewing on it.

"Just something my friend Mark did" Buffy said. "He is into documtenaries and has made alot."

"He shoulds cool" Willow smiled. She saw the way Buffy lovingly stroked the tape like it was the most precious thing in the world.

"We could always watch that" Spike said. It would mean she was letting them into her world a little bit more. If she needed more time that would be fine with him. She was worth taking the time of getting to know.

"If you guys don't mind I am excited to see it" Buffy said. At the moment she completely forgot that she was in the doctumentary all that mattered was seeing it. She craved it she needed to see them all again she needed a piece of New York.

"Not at all" Oz said and the others nodded.

Buffy hurried into the living room and put the tape in the VCR. Everyone followed her in and sat down. Buffy pressed play and sat in front of the couch. She knew she would get lost in her own world and forget everything around her. She gasped when she heard the opening song. "Mark Mimi" she breathed out. The first picture that came up was of them and she got tears in her eyes. She was so into it she did not even hear everyone gasp when Mark was talking about how AIDs can affect anyone her picture came up.

It all clicked for them. Buffy's secreacy the pills she always took. She had AID's or HIV. They watched her and Spike's heart went out to her. She was drinking the sights and sounds of her friends voices and she was crying the whole time silently. When it ended of a shot of her with the people that was identifed as Mark, Roger, Mimi, Collins, and Angel and was decidcated to the family that los the battle with these disease and the ones still living with it.

Buffy got up and ran upstairs into her room. She did not care her friends were there an she shut the door and slid to the floor by her bed and put her head in her knees and sobbed.

The others followed her and quietly opened the door. They watched her Spike and Willow were the first to approach her. He sat on the one side of her and Willow on the others. They put there arms around her and Oz and Xander sat down in front of them a few minutes later.

"I am sorry" Buffy said after her sobs quieted down. The tears were still rolling down her cheeks. Days like this were so hard when you stared death in the face and seeing Roger's, Mimi's, and Angel's face. And then knowing that her and Collins shared the same fate was sad all around.

"It is okay we understand" Willow whispered.

"I guess you can figure out my secret. I have HIV that is eventually going to develop into AID's and I am going to be one of those lost to the diseasae" Buffy said. "Those were my friends and family today is the day Roger died a year ago. It isnt fair why him he was a good guy the big brother I never had." Buffy looked around raw pain was etched on her face. "I look forward to death sometimes at least I don't have to fight for my life and worried when it is going to end."

"Don't say that kitten we would miss you to much" Spike said. He knew her biggest secret and he did not look at her differently. He still cared for her for far more then a friend but he knew with her it would have to take time, something to develop slowly. "How about we get you something to drink and we watch something."

"Okay" Buffy said standing up. She leaned against Spike and they went back down to have something to drink and get to watching the movies. The night passed quickly and they knew not to talk about what happened with her anymore tonight. They all fell asleep together on the couch and Spike woke up first and carried her up the steps. He laid her in the bed and kissed her on the forhead and left. He laid on the chair and fell back to sleep.

Buffy dreamed of her friends that have passed meeting her new friends. And she dreamed of Spike and about a future with him. Spike dreamed of Buffy how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her no matter what disease she had. He would help her fight it and beat it in the ened. And if he lost her he would know he could never love another woman ever.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer it belongs to Joss Whedon and his creative team of writers and actors and such wonderful people. Rent does not belong to me either it belongs to the late great Johanthan Larson. THANK YOU JOHNATHAN LARSON!! Sorry that is a Rent thing may Johnathan Larson never be forgot and may Rent never be forgot.

**Chapter Five**

_Previously on Season's of Love..._

_"I guess you can figure out my secret. I have HIV that is eventually going to develop into AID's and I am going to be one of those lost to the diseasae" Buffy said. "Those were my friends and family today is the day Roger died a year ago. It isnt fair why him he was a good guy the big brother I never had." Buffy looked around raw pain was etched on her face. "I look forward to death sometimes at least I don't have to fight for my life and worried when it is going to end."_

_"Don't say that kitten we would miss you to much" Spike said. He knew her biggest secret and he did not look at her differently. He still cared for her for far more then a friend but he knew with her it would have to take time, something to develop slowly. "How about we get you something to drink and we watch something."_

_"Okay" Buffy said standing up. She leaned against Spike and they went back down to have something to drink and get to watching the movies. The night passed quickly and they knew not to talk about what happened with her anymore tonight. They all fell asleep together on the couch and Spike woke up first and carried her up the steps. He laid her in the bed and kissed her on the forhead and left. He laid on the chair and fell back to sleep. _

_Buffy dreamed of her friends that have passed meeting her new friends. And she dreamed of Spike and about a future with him. Spike dreamed of Buffy how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her no matter what disease she had. He would help her fight it and beat it in the ened. And if he lost her he would know he could never love another woman ever._

Buffy woke up and bed and groaned the next morning. She felt wore out emotionaly and physically. It took her a second to remember what happened and what her new friends found out last night. She saw that Willow was already up they must have let her sleep in which she was grateful for. The phone rang by her bed and she picked it up. "Hello."

"Hey Buffy" Collins said. He did not get much sleep last night. He just kept remembering Mark, Mimi and Angel. "How was your night last night?"

"It could of been better. I was so upset after I watched Mark's lastest documentry I just cried till I fell asleep. I feel so drained today" Buffy admited. Collins more then the others knew she was crying for her and him to one day they to would pass.

"I know what you mean I was thinking the same things. Wonder who is next" he said sadly. Everyone was out of the apartment so it was just him so they could talk freely.

"I have no idea but I wish it did not have to be either one of us" Buffy whispered and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I guess this weekend never gets easy. Isn't it funny how they all passed yesterday Angel today and Mimi tommrow."

"I know it is odd but at least we have a weekend to grieve. I need it I don't go out. I stay in and I listen to Roger's records and I just remember them. I still have Angel's favorite wig and stuff sitting on my dresser I just can't take it down."

"I know what you mean I would never put away or sell Roger's guitar and the stuff that Angel and Mimi left me I wear and keep out. It is like I have a part of them with me."

"Yeah it is good we have some things of theres. It does make things easier when you look at them you can remember funny stuff. Like New Years that last year we were all alive. How Angel broke the lock" he chuckled.

"I know she got all manly for a second" Buffy smiled and giggled. "And finaly when Mimi and Roger gave into there feelings and kissed and got together. That night was great Maureen's protest was that night to" she said. "That was a night we can never forget and poor Benny Evita died" she laughed harder.

"And here Angel had no idea who Evita was and who she belonged to" he laughed right along with her.

"Gosh it feels weird over here talking to you on the phone instead of sitting there by your side. I hope I can come home soon. I will be glad I can feel like myself no more hiding. My friends the ones I told you about found out about my HIV. I forgot I was in the doctumentray and we watched they are cool with it but I don't want anyone else to find out" Buffy said honestly.

"Then if you trust them I am sure they won't let it out it should make things better that you don't have to hide anymore at least that. Are you still doing the job?"

"Yeah it is all I know and its all I can do right now and frankly I want to do it. I make good money where I can help out you guys and still have some for me" Buffy said honestly.

"I understand and I don't judge you for it. If you want to do it do it girl" Collins said. "Listen I am gonna go now and if you need to talk call me later. I love you Buffy" he said to her softly as he started crying softly.

"I love you to Collins" Buffy said tears flooding her eyes. "I will call tommrow" she whispered and hung up the phone. She picked up a picture of the group of them and as she stared at it she began to cry harder soon full blown heart breaking sobs could be heard through the house.

"Poor Buffy" Willow said from the kitchen. "I had no idea that is what she was hiding."

"Well Red you know her she is a strong one you can tell. She is at least breaking down. I think we should give her some time" Spike said as he drank his juice.

"I agree with Spike" was all Oz said and put his hand on Willows back. He rubbed her back knowing how upset she was for Buffy.

"I wonder how she got it" Xander said. "I mean I would ask but I don't want to upset her anymore" he said and looked around. "Think she will tell us the story one day?"

"Maybe but no pushing" Willow said. "Let her open up more in her own time. She is already letting us closer so that is a good thing" she said and smiled. She couldn't hear the cries anymore but she had a feeling that the tears were still coming.

They ate there food silently all wondering when Buffy would be coming down. Spike was the first one to notice her walking into the kitchen. "Kitten do you want anything?" He noticed she looked bad this morning like she has been to hell and back. Her hair was up in a messy pony tail and her eyes were puffy and red and she was so pale her face had not color. But her eyes they looked lost like a little girl full of pain.

Buffy shook her head and went and made a cup of coffee. She smiled remembering Mark got her the mug to remember New York by. She ingnored the looks they gave have, the worried looks like she was going to break. She has yet to break and she has been thorugh a lot and she will get through this and just live each day as if it is her last. "I got a idea lets get dressed up and go out tonight. I feel like going out and celebrating my friends lives plus Mimi would love it" she turned and smiled at them.

"If you are sure" Willow said slowly. "I mean if you want sometime to yourself we understand." She was always thinking of others feelings and she hated to see such a good friend going through the pain that Buffy was. No one deserved this not even the evil Cordelia Chase.

"Yeah it is what they would want no more tears. And Angel would say go and party girlfriend and remember no day but today" Buffy said. "Man the parties we went to were fun" she said whisfully. "I mean we would go to clubs and get in for free for looking so hot and free drinks and we would dance the night away while the guys would keep guys from us" she laughed.

"Sounds fun we don't have those kind of parites here in Sunnydale" Xander said. "Your not going to find any place like that but the Bronze and you have been there already."

"Then how about we make our own party. I got the music and you can go and get dressed up and come back. We can make our own fun and I know just what I am going to wear" she smiled. "And I am not telling it is a suprise" she said when she saw there curious faces.

"Okay I mean if that is what you want. Do you want us to bring any food?" Xander said grinning. Yes he loved food and was always thinking of it even more then sex.

"I can get the guys to come play" Oz said. "I can say it is a small gathering" he grinned.

"Sure those are good ideas and when they want to break we can play some CD's. And Oz if you want you can use Roger's guitar I think he would like that." She was not one to let someone do that but she trusted him and she knew Roger would like him.

"Then I would be honored" Oz said. "I will go meet the guys and can drop you three at home os you can get ready."

"Perfect" Buffy smiled as they all stood up and gathered there stuff up. "I will see you in a few hours" she told him. Tonight was going to be fun and it would be the perfect way to celebrate Mimi, Roger, and Angel.

After they left Buffy began making some food that was a staple back in New York. Then she went and got ready. She put black streaks in her hair and did her make up dark and put on a tight black lather mini with red tights under it and a red top and the black high heeled boots of Mimi then she put on the lepoard print jacket that belonged to Mimi. She went down and sat the food out and then doorbell rang. "Hey Oz this must be the rest of the band hi I am Buffy glad you could make it. You can sit up over there" she pointed to a spot in the living room.

"Hi" they each said as they passed her by. "Cool CD who is the artiest?" Devon asked as they began sitting up the equipment and instruments.

"That was my friend Roger he had a band and was leader singer and played guitar. Oz is going to play his tonight" Buffy smiled.

"I would love to mmet him one day he saw awesome." Devon did not notice the look Oz gave him.

"You won't meet him he is dead" Buffy said refusing to cry or get upset. Tonight was a celebration of three lives that lived and loved and they lossed.

"I am sorry" Devon said. Just then the door bell rang and she went over and answered the door.

"Hey guys the band is here" she said letting Xander who brought a date named Anya and Willow and Spike in the house.

"Hi I am Anya so you are the one Spike wants to give him orgasms" Anya smiled and held out her hand for Buffy to shake.

Buffy shook it blushing. "I don't know about that I mean I am not into relationships at the moment."

"Why?" Anya asked. She was always honest she did not see the point in anything if you are not going to be honest.

"Well my last boyfriend died and I am still working on myself" Buffy said. She was not going to going to get attached to a guy and have him get hurt when she died. She wasn't going to live for a long time and it is no fair that she put others through the pain her friends are going to experince already.

"Oh okay do you have food Xander was talking about the food?"

"Yes through the kitchen" Buffy said. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath when she walked away.

"You okay kitten?" Spike asked from behind her.

"Yeah I will be one day eventually" Buffy said and looked at him. "It does get easier each year but it hurts. Like your soul has been riped out and you feel lost with out them. They made the world so beautiful and bright now it duller and it is hard being her for this day instead of in New York. You guys are great but you just don't get where I am coming from I am sorry if that upsets you hearing that."

"It does not upset me and I know it would not upset the others. You are being honest" Spike put his hand on his shoulder. "Never be sorry for being honest, that makes you a good person being so honest" he smiled. "Come on in the music is starting."

"I have to do something" Buffy ran in and whispered to the van when they began playing a song. She began singing the song take me out tonight even Rogers part. By the end of it the group clapped and Devon and the band were impressed. Soon after they were all dancing and having good time. It gave the band a good time to pratice. They could all see Buffy was a dancer and she moved well to the music. Spike could not keep his eyes off the beauty and he knew that one day he wanted to be more then friends, the day she would be ready to le thim be more. By the end of the night everyone was smiling and the band said bye while Oz stayed behind. The group of friends were just laying across the couch and chairs talking about the good time they had.

"Oh hey I heard at the end of the year that we are taking our senior summer graduation trip to New York" Anya said. "I heard it smells. I mean if they want to give us a graduation present why not some place better looking like Pairs."

"What" Buffy siad. "You said New York" she smiled. "I will have to get pack and ship everything there. I get to home" she jumped up. "New York New York" she began singing and spinning with her arms out.

The others looked at her and saw her truely happy for the first time. It also hurt that she was unhappy here with them. Suddenly Buffy looked at them and blushed. "I am sorry that was rude. I mean you are great friends you are this town just isn't home" she said quickly.

"We understand kitten" Spike said. "You have a lot back there including a family you love and that is where you are most yourself."

"Yeah you so get it. And well I hate being away from the graves I like to visit there often. Benny made sure he got us all a plot together so we can be there together even in death" Buffy smiled softly thinking of Benny.

"Benny?" Willow asked curious. Buffy had so many friends back home and she was interested in them.

"Yeah he is the guy that married rich and came out rich from the divorce and well he helps us out. He owns our building and found a way to save our part of the city from being torn down. He was a villian than hero" she said and laughed. "He was a one time lover of Mimi but they became friends along with Roger eventually once he realized it was over. It just took him leaving us for a time before he did it was wonderful having the family back."

"What was the ones that have passed like?" Xander asked. He was glad that Anya wasn't there because with her bluntness he knew she would hurt Buffy's feelings.

"Lets see Angel he or should I say she. She was wonderful compassionate, kind, loving, warm, when she loved you she was loyal and loved you always. She was into fashion and made sure the rest of us were" she giggled. "But she passed away frist from AID's. Collins her boyfriend was holding her when she died. Death was a easier for us since others have passed but it was the first to touch our family."

"Sounds interesting. When you say he was a she what do you mean?" Willow asked. Everyone noticed her face go through all sorts of emotions when she talked about her friends.

"I mean he was a guy but he dressed like a girl and was more girl then boy so he is a she. And I always said she never he. She even got buried in her favorite dress and her wig." She smiled softly. "Okay then it was Mimi. She and me are a like. She was wild and funny and smart. And gorgeous she was latino and she had long dark hair that shone in the moonlight. These boots where hers. She was addicted to drugs at one point in time, all of us were at the times. She was a stripper and she was the kind of person that was free and she did not care what people thought."

"You mean you were addicted to drugs kitten?" Spike asked. He was finding out things and some shocked him but he refused to judge her. "Were you a stripper?"

"Honestly yes I was hooked on herion at one point in time. But Roger, and Mark, Collins, and Benny made me get clean. And yes I strip it was I do it is my job back home and if you want to judge me with that fine but I won't change. I am like Mimi we entertain we never go home with the customers."

"We aren't judging you we just worry. We dont' want to see you hurt" Willow said gently.

"I am a big girl I can take care of myself I have for most of my life" Buffy said. "I know customers and how to read them. I stay away from certain ones and you can refuse lap dances so I go on my intuition" she said. She could not believe she told them her job it just came out and she doesn't regret it they needed to know it all.

"Just call one of us if you needs us to take you home" Oz offered and she saw Xander nod in agreement.

"I will I promise" Buffy said. She sat down and stared at the guitar. "Lastly is Roger, dear Roger who played father more times then I can count. He was always so protective. He wanted to kill my first boyfriend for giving me the diesease since he knew what it would do and how I would end up. He was always making sure I took meds even if he stopped taking his after his ex April died of it. Then he met Mimi he came alive again and it killed him when she died. He even began playing and writing songs again even with her death he didn't stop but it hurt him and he died last year on the date of yesterday that was why I was so sad" she said. "I still have all his posters and records from his band days" she smiled.

"They sound great" Xander finaly said in the silence that followed. "I would have loved to meet the people that helped you turn into who you are today."

"I would love for them to be around to. But one day people will be saying that about me" Buffy looked down. "I mean I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend that said he was never with other women and I got it I was dumb but I would not change anything."

"What" Willow said. "You mean you would not change a thing even this killer you have?"

"Yes because it gives me a purpose in life to help fight this disease the same way Collins is. We work together alot in the fight for it. We refuse to be stigmatized cause I had unprotected sex and he had through his unprotected sex with men. We are not some lower class cause of this we are people and others don't want to see that" she said standing up and beginng to pace. She felt such unrest she wanted to do something she was not sure what.

"Those are idoits who see things that way. Your a cool chick Buffy" Oz offered with a smile.

"Thank you Oz" Buffy smiled at him. "I know I have at least some real firends here. I mean you know all about me all my dirty secrets and you are still here. But you don't know the worst. After my first boyfriends death I started sleeping around so I am not sure how many people I affected" she said and looked down.

"You were greving" Willow said to her. "You were not thinking with your right mind."

"Yes I was I wanted people to feel the pain I was and I was doing it the wrong way." She looked at them to see there faces and they did not change She was relieved.

"Well fact is you changed luv and that is all that matters" Spike said. "We are here and staying your friends."

"I was afraid to make friends because when I die you have to grieve."

"Don't talk like that you will be fine" Xander said shocked at how casual she took death. But she has seen so much it must not be a big deal to her anymore.

"Its a fact of life I am going to die I have accpeted it. I am not sure when it could happen anytime. My HIV is not getting any better it just keeps going and going till it is over" Buffy said. "I am sorry you guys have to feel pain over me in the end."

"We will take what we have with you" Willow said. She got up and hugged her friend and everyone else followed. Once hugs were around they all sat back down.

"Okay time for ice cream" Buffy said. She got up and walked into the kitchen and began dishing out ice cream for everyone. Once it was done she took it out to everyone and they stayed up for the next few hours talking and watchign tv they all fell asleep all over the room. Willow and Oz on the couch, Xander on the chair and Buffy and Spike on the floor.

Joyce got home early and walked in and smiled at the site. She was glad to haver her niece make friends so quick. And the one guy had a thing for she could tell by the way he held Buffy while she slept. She just hoped her niece could find some happiness again, she knew Buffy missed New York and was going back at the end of the year no matter what.

She went to her room after she turned off the tv and covered everyone with blankets. She fell asleep happy for her niece. The next morning she was the first one up and was making breakfast when Buffy's friends came in one by one and she got to know them and she liked them all immideatly. She found out Buffy told them the truth about her and her disease and her job so it was no secrets and they let her sleep after the night

"Mom" Buffy said crying out in her sleep. She was seeing her friends and she didn't wnat them to go. "Roger, Mimi, Angel, no come back" she screamed.

They heard her in the kitchen and ran into the room. She was thrashing around and Joyce hurried over to her and woke her up. "Buffy Buffy it is a dream" she whispered as the distraut girlb woke up. She held Buffy as she broke down for the first itme in her arms. "It is okay it was a dream."

"There were there Mom, Mimi, Angel, Roger" she said between sobs. "I did not want them to go I was so happy with them. I wanted to go with them I wanted to be with them, this world is dull with out them" she sobbed out.

The others had no idea what to do in this situation so they backed up from the to two and walked into the kitchen whispering. Spike's heart was breaking he wanted to help her out and make her feel better he just did not know how. He has never been through what she has and has never known anyone else to have HIV or Aids to know much about it.

Willow was lost in thought it hurt her seeing her new best friend in such pain. And it must be a lonely life to go through this alone. Knowing only a few people can truely understand you and your struggled and be looked at as a outsider someone lower then low.

A half hour later Buffy came in with her Aunt Joyce and sat down and began serving breakfast. It was a quiet morning till it was time for the rest to go home. And after good bye's Buffy locked herself in her room playing Rogers guitar singing there songs just being alone. Buffy knew that she could never be the same be normal and fit in, it just was not possible.


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own Buffy The Vampire Slayer, the show belongs to Joss Whedon. Rent does not belong to me, the show belongs to Johnathan Larons and the Larson family.

**Chapter Six**

_Previously on Seasons of Love..._

_A half hour later Buffy came in with her Aunt Joyce and sat down and began serving breakfast. It was a quiet morning till it was time for the rest to go home. And after good bye's Buffy locked herself in her room playing Rogers guitar singing there songs just being alone. Buffy knew that she could never be the same be normal and fit in, it just was not possible._

Buffy woke up the next day and groaned. The weekened was not over yet and she wished it was. She sighed and closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. She had a trobing headache. She got up and went into the bathroom and took a headache pill and laid back down. She shut the shades and turned off the lights and stayed in the dark. She hated this weekend more then any other days of her life.

"Buffy" Joyce said and knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah" Buffy called out. She knew her Aunt Joyce knew what day it was.

"How you doing?" she asked her niece coming in her room and sitting on her bed. She saw how bad Buffy slept last night the young girl had bags under her eyes.

"Best as can be expected. Today is Mimi's day" Buffy sighed. "So if you don't mind I am hanging out in here."

"That is fine with me" Joyce smiled. "What do you want me to do if one of your friends stops by?"

"Just send them up" she said to her. "I don't mind" she said. She had a feeling they would stop by. Apart of her did not mind another part wished they wouldn't. They did not know Mimi so they did not understand the depth of her greif and stuff.

"I will bring you some food" Joyce said. She kissed Buffy on top of her head and left. She was really worried about her niece but she knew the girl has been on her own for so long she was already a adult. It was like she was older then Joyce in her mentality and emotional life.

"Thanks" Buffy said and laid back down. She rolled over on her side and curled up in a ball. She appericated the fact that her Aunt wanted to take care of her but she did not want to be coddled she was a grown woman in more ways then one. She has had enough life experince that she knew more was to come that would hurt. Pain has been her life since she was born, she always knew growing up as a kid her mother could die at anytime cause of this disease in her body.

Joyce shut the door and went down in the kitchen and began making food. She sat the tray outside of Buffy's room and knocked and walked away. She would respect her nieces wishes and let her alone everyone needed time alone to get through a hard day like this. Joyce had no idea what it was like to lose so many people you thought of as family. She went downstairs and worked on some bills and paperwork for her gallery that will be opening at the end of the week.

The day passed by and Buffy was glad she got alone time that day. She stayed in her bedroom and just laid and looked out the window and also played some songs on the guitar and laughed and smiled over memories and talked to her family back in the city. The next day she woke up and she felt better like her body knew this day was okay she did not have to be tense or anything. She dressed for school humming the song Roger created for Mimi. She put on a short short denim skirt black leggings and a black top and her usual boots.

After grabbing some toast she started walking to school. She sighed as she thought of how strange her new friends thought she was. "Hey" she said when she caught up to Willow on the steps of Sunnydale High School. "Sorry about being crazy this weekend. Just not a good weekend for me when it rolls around each year."

"Understandable I am glad you let us in a bit. It really makes me feel honored" Willow said honestly and sweetly. "I know the others feel the same way" she said to her friend. She put a hand on Buffy's arm and gave her a gentle smile. "Don't feel embarassed by your emotions your human and they were family to you."

"I am glad you get it Willow" Buffy said and smiled. "I thought I would scare you off espically with all my confessions" she said. She knew that some people would look at her differently and she was scared that they would react badly. "I was scared to say anything because I did not know how you would react or anything or if you would not want to be my friends."

"I have a feeling when you let someone in they have to be special if they are outside of your family and friends from New York" Willow said. "You are still Buffy to me, the cool new girl that choose to hang with me and and mine."

"Well your cool to you just have to see that and not care what others think. Trust me back home I never cared. Girls like Cordelia wouldn't be our cup of tea. They are princess's that belong on the upper side of the city they couldn't handle it in my world."

"You are one of a kind Buffy" Willow grinned. "And that is a good thing" she said to her honestly.

"Hey Red, Goldilock" Spike said coming up behind them and putting a arm around each of them. "How are you doing this morin?"

"We are better" Buffy smiled. "Much much better."

"You want to go to the Bronz tonight?" Xander asked joining the group.

"I can't working" Buffy said. It felt good she did not have to lie about what she was doing anymore.

"Got it tommrow?" Xander asked his blond friend.

"I am not scheduled to work" Buffy said. "So a yes for tommrow night" she smiled at him.

"Great we can party" Xander grinned. "At least the best we can in a club we can't drink and cause trouble or anything."

"You make it sound like we can't have any fun" Willow said. "We are to be fun having people."

"Yes I am having a great time with you" Buffy said. She knew they were different from her family back in the city. This town was different then in the city. "I can't wait to show you guys New York you will get a culture shock" she laughed.

"I can't wait to see it either" Willow said. "I want to check out the museums and all" she said dreamily.

"Never been to them" Buffy laughed. "Not really my thing but I would go for you of course" she said quickly.

They had to sepearate a few mintues later. To go to there lockers and get books. Buffy had a class with a few of her friends each period and she was happy about that. Health class was about safe sex yet again and she sighed and zoned out. At the end of class she got up and headed to lunch and lunch was a blur as they talked and laughed and had a good time.

The next month went by quick and for some reason Buffy felt like she was dragging her body around. And then it hit her, it was getting worse. She came home and talked to Joyce and they decided to have her see a specialist to see what can be done. The doctors visit came to quick for Buffy's liking. She did not even tell the others that she was going and why.

"Hello Buffy Summers I am Doctor Julian Andrews" the handsome young doctor said to the girl in his office. "I am just going to ask questions and then run some blood work and see if you need a new medication or what."

"Okay" Buffy said and bit her bottom lip. She was scared she did not want to die yet. Until she could go home where she belong.

"How long have you had HIV?"

"I got it when I was 15 and I am not 19."

"How did you get it?"

"Unprotected sex with my boyfriend."

"Did you know he had it?"

"No he told me he was a virgin."

"Were you a virgin at the time?"

"Yes I was."

"Have you had sex with others since then?"

"Yes but I can't tell you how many honsetly. Don't even know some of there names only where I met them."

"Okay. Did you use protection with them?"

"Yes and no."

"What happened to the guy who gave you HIV?"

"He passed away at 16" she said.

"How many was he with before you?"

"Not sure" she said to him.

"Okay that will be all the questions" Dr. Julian Andrews said. He called in a nurse and they did blood work. "Go wait in the waiting room and in a hour we will have your results."

Buffy got up and went out into the waiting room and sat. She read every magazine before she was called back in. "What is going on?"

"Miss. Summers I have bad news. The AZT won't work anymore, your blood count was worse then the last time. I am sorry your HIV is starting to develop into full blown aids."

"How long do I have after that?" she asked softly.

"Honestly I am not sure" he said to her. He put his hand on the shoulder of the young girl. "You could have years or only months. Only time will tell. If you need to talk to someone let me give you a number."

"Doc I have had three best friends die that were like family. I had other people I know die of it death is not new to me. I am prepared but it is still scary. If I need to talk to anyone I will turn to my family back in New York City" she said. "When do you want me to come back?"

"I want you to come back each week to monitor you closely and to do blood work. That way we can track it and see how it is progressing" Dr. Julian Andrews said.

Buffy nodded and left and made the appointment. Now the hard part telling people. First when she got home she told her Aunt who got upset and then she told her family over the phone. Then she called up the others and asked them to come to her house. She took a deep breath getting ready to tell the ones that she knew would be more upset then anyone since they never had to deal with this before.


	7. Chapter 7

I do not own Buffy, that belongs to Joss Whedon, Rent belongs to Johnathan Larson.

**Chapter Seven**

_Previously on Season's of Love....._

_"I want you to come back each week to monitor you closely and to do blood work. That way we can track it and see how it is progressing" Dr. Julian Andrews said._

_Buffy nodded and left and made the appointment. Now the hard part telling people. First when she got home she told her Aunt who got upset and then she told her family over the phone. Then she called up the others and asked them to come to her house. She took a deep breath getting ready to tell the ones that she knew would be more upset then anyone since they never had to deal with this before._

Buffy paced back and forth in the living room. She was resigned with the idea she knew it was inevitable. She closed her eyes and opened them up again when she heard the door. She was the most worried for her friends they were the ones not use to this. They would be the ones that suffer, she would find out her estimated time and she would go back to New York. She would die there, her true home. She heard the door and looked at her Aunt before going over to the door.

"I will give you some privacy" Joyce said. Buffy smiled at her grateful as her Aunt walked up the steps.

"Hi I am glad you could make it" she said to the group. She held the door open wider so they could come in.

"Whats up kitten?" Spike asked as he walked with her into the living room. "You look pale" he noticed her face.

Buffy looked down and looked up at him again and then at the rest of the group. "As time goes by I am going to look even worse then this" she said honestly.

"Why?" Willow asked. She bit her lip not liking the experssion on Buffy's face. It was a sad experssion and it was also mixed with resignation.

"In fact you will see more more tired, pale, and skinner" Buffy wrapped her arms around herself. "I went to my doctor today, well a specialist for AIDS patients. And I no longer have HIV, it is starting to develop into Aids. The AZT held it off as long as it could. I am not sure how much longer I have. I hope to make it till the trip to New York, if it is shorter I will be going back to New York then."

"What?"

"Buffy"

"Maybe it can be stoped."

"You can't die."

"Kitten."

All these came from the group. She looked away guiltly when she saw tears in friends eyes. She did not want to make them cry, but she knew it would have. This was not something that would of stayed hidden for long. This was something that would of made itself known. She knew it would be hard to tell the others tonight when she would call. She took a deep breath and faced them again. "I am so sorry you are going through this."

"It is not your fault" Xander said.

Buffy felt a hand on her arm and looked up at Spike. "Kitten we are here for you" he promised her.

"I had to tell you as soon as I could. I am calling the others right away. They will help me out to, and to be honest they will be better able to handle this if we are honest. I mean you are all holding together wonderful, but you haven't faced this before and they have. The end will be painful and long and I won't look like me at all, I will look for death."

"Really" Willow said softly. "It is that bad?"\

"Yes I would wish this on my worst enemy" Buffy said honestly.

"Do you want us to stay with you while you talk to your friends?" Spike asked.

"No I need to do this alone" she said honestly. "I will talk to you tommrow" she said. They stood up and she walked them to the door. She hugged and kissed each of them. Spike held her the longest and she did not mind. She had feelings for him that could not be denied any longer. "I will call you later" she said to him.

After they left she went up to her room and picked up the phone. She took a deep breath and dialed the fimilar number. "Mark its me is everyone there?"

Mark picked up on her town of voice quickly. He perked up and motioned everyone to come around. "Yeah we are all here. Let me put it on speaker." He put the phone on speaker and sat down. He looked around at everyone else worried what was up. She rarely called the middle of the week or needed to talk to the whole group. "What is up?"

"Well um I went to the doctor" she said softly. She let that hang in the air for them to hear.

They all gasped and exchanged looks. They knew what that meant, and it was only something that someone that has been through all they have, it all did not need to be said. "How long?" Marueen asked her voice cracking.

"He is not sure" she said. "I am being montiored each week, and if I get near the end I am coming home. I want to be with you guys my family" she blinked back tears. Death was invetable and she could not fight it or stop it. In fact she knew in the end she would be begging for death because of the pain.

"Call us each week or whenever day or night" Collins said. "And if you need us one of us will be out there in a flash" he promised.

"I will I promise" she said and began to cry. That caused the others to cry with her. They were ones that easily showed their emotions. Losing as many people as they have they learned it is worse to keep your emotions inside. It made things harder and more difficult. "I need to go eat I need so I can stay healthy."

"Definatly we will talk to you soon" Joanne said. When Buffy hung up the phone she leaned into Marueen and let the tears flow. At this point it seems some where down the road they would lose another of the family. One that was like a sister to all.

Buffy went down the steps and silenty ate her meal. She walked back up to her room when she was done and did her homework. When she was done she curled up on her bed and fell asleep. She even ignored the phone when it rang. The next morning she showered and did her hair and make up. She dressed in a pair of black leggins and a lepoard print top and her boots. She was so tired still as she walked to school. The others were there first she smiled and walked up to them.

"You okay?" Willow asked. "I tried call you last night."

"Well I was really tired. I just felt like sleeping. I will be doing plenty of that" she said softly. "It happens as your body wears down."

"Oh" Willow said softly.

"We understand" Oz said to her and put his arm around Willow.

Spike looked her over and noticed she still looked tired. He had never knew anyone with aids before and he wondered what it would be like in the end. He sighed and refused to think of the end right now, she was still here alive and healthy for the most part.

"Thanks for understanding" she said to them. "We should get to class."

"Yeah your right Kitten" Spike said. He put his arm around her and they walked inside. He saw the look Cordelia said as she looked over Buffy's outfit and rolled his eyes.

"Well Buffy you look like a mess, must say the dark circles really bring out the hobo look" she sneered as she walked by.

"I suggest you shut your mouth" Buffy growled out. "I am not in the mood to hear your words barbie" she glared. "I suggest you move on or you will have a black eye to match your slutty black skirt."

Cordelia glowered at her as they group moved on passed her. How dare they think they can speak to her Cordelia Chase like that.

The day passed quickly and by the end Buffy was tired. She yawned as she left her last class.

"Tired?" Oz said and walked up to her.

"Yeah" she admited. "I am going to the house and nap."

The rest of them walked up to Oz and Buffy as they left the school. "Is everyething okay?" Xander asked.

"I am fine I am just tired."

"Do you need a ride home?" Spike asked.

"Yes that would be great thank you" Buffy said and sighed. She closed her eyes and yawned.

The next few months flew by where she was not getting worse, but she was very tired. She knew the end of the year was coming up and was so very happy. She was ready to get back home and be with her family because she knew the end would only be closer. She had a feeling she would last for a time back home but it would not be that very long. She wondered why they were all having a assembly. But by the end of it she was so happy. "Just think in a month New York" she sighed. "Home" she laughed.

Spike and the rest looked at her and could not help but smile. All of them thinking she looked happier then she has in a long time. She looked like a young girl that was innocent and had no problems in life. "I am sure that you will be anxious the whole time" Willow smiled and laughed.

"Ohhh I hope this goes by soon" she sighed witsfully. "Home here I come."

"Oh please like you lived in New York freak, that is for cool people" Cordelia laughed as she walked by. "And if you did I bet you lived on the streets."

"Oh I lived there I lived in Alphabet city, a place you would get killed or beat up. Snotty bitches are not welcome" she smirked. "Me or any of the others would tear you down, you think your better but so what if you have money at least I have real friends and people actually like me. They aren't around me to be popular" she said sweetly and turned and left the autodtirum with her friends.

Buffy had no idea how long the month would be but soon it was here. She sighed and packed up her stuff, that was left over. The rest was shipped back a few weeks ago so it would be there waiting for her. She was living with Mark and Collins, since Joanne and Maureen were taking over Mimi's. And they did not want her living alone. She left the house the last time after saying good bye to her Aunt.

She bounced over to Spike's car and got it after her stuff was in the trunk. "It is time to go home" she whispered.

"I can't wait to see your home love" Spike said. He reached over and squeezed her hand and she smiled back at him. At the airport they found their friend and got in line and checked their luggage. Once it was checked she and the group began to get in line to get on the plane.

To pass the time away once they were on the flight it was off they played card games and she read. And of course slept, she seemed to sleep so much it scared her. When they landed in New York they got off the plane and she got her bags and waited for her friends. She turned and squeal when she heard someone call her name. She ran over to a blond guy with glasses jumped on him wrapping arms and legs around him. She smiled as the Marueen and Joanne circled around making it a group hug. "Where is Collins?" she asked suddenly. She saw the grave faces. "No no no no not him not him." She began to cry and sob.

"He isn't dead yet he is in the hosptial" Maureen whispered. "The doctor has gave him only a few weeks. He wants to see you" she whispered.

"Lets go do you mind if my friends come?" Buffy indicated them behind her.

"No they can come" Mark said. He put his arm around her and picked up her bag and led everyone outside. "I am sorry we have to meet this way. I am Mark Cohen, that is Marueen and Joanne."

"Hi I am Spike and this is Willow, Oz, Xander and Anya" he pointed them out and they raised a hand.

At the hospital Buffy looked at Mark outside the room. She gave him a look and walked in the room the tears silenty coming. Collins didn't look like Collins, he was so pale and small. She walked over to him and took his hand and he opened his eyes and smiled at her.


	8. Chapter 8

I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Rent, Buffy is Joss Whedon's and Rent is Johnathan Larson and his family.

**Chapter 8**

_Previously on Season's of Love......_

_Buffy had no idea how long the month would be but soon it was here. She sighed and packed up her stuff, that was left over. The rest was shipped back a few weeks ago so it would be there waiting for her. She was living with Mark and Collins, since Joanne and Maureen were taking over Mimi's. And they did not want her living alone. She left the house the last time after saying good bye to her Aunt. _

_She bounced over to Spike's car and got it after her stuff was in the trunk. "It is time to go home" she whispered. _

_"I can't wait to see your home love" Spike said. He reached over and squeezed her hand and she smiled back at him. At the airport they found their friend and got in line and checked their luggage. Once it was checked she and the group began to get in line to get on the plane._

_To pass the time away once they were on the flight it was off they played card games and she read. And of course slept, she seemed to sleep so much it scared her. When they landed in New York they got off the plane and she got her bags and waited for her friends. She turned and squeal when she heard someone call her name. She ran over to a blond guy with glasses jumped on him wrapping arms and legs around him. She smiled as the Maureen and Joanne circled around making it a group hug. "Where is Collins?" she asked suddenly. She saw the grave faces. "No no no no not him not him." She began to cry and sob._

_"He isn't dead yet he is in the hosptial" Maureen whispered. "The doctor has gave him only a few weeks. He wants to see you" she whispered._

_"Lets go do you mind if my friends come?" Buffy indicated them behind her._

_"No they can come" Mark said. He put his arm around her and picked up her bag and led everyone outside. "I am sorry we have to meet this way. I am Mark Cohen, that is Maureen and Joanne."_

_"Hi I am Spike and this is Willow, Oz, Xander and Anya" he pointed them out and they raised a hand. _

_At the hospital Buffy looked at Mark outside the room. She gave him a look and walked in the room the tears silently coming. Collins didn't look like Collins, he was so pale and small. She walked over to him and took his hand and he opened his eyes and smiled at her._

"Hey you look good" Collins said while holding her hand. "California did you good you have a nice little tan. Angel would love it so would Mimi."

"I know they would be out there with me in a heartbeat. We would of taken over California, just imagine the trouble we would cause" she laughed. Her eyes were misted over in tears, it did not get easier seeing this you just learned to cope.

"Then they would seen you three back for bad behavior" he teased her. "I am glad you got to come home, I can't go with out saying good bye to my little sister." He reached up and wiped away a tear. "Hey now sister no need to cry I ready to go see Angel and not have anymore pain."

"I know I know" she said and buried her face on his chest. "I don't think I will be far behind you. We are leaving the others to survive and it hurts. I don't want them to hurt anymore."

"I know I don't either." He looked over and saw the others by the door and Mark the witness of it all filming. At least we will be remembered and Mark will make sure. "But you fight, fight till you can't anymore. Do not give in easy do you hear me?" he lifted her face up and looked deep into her eyes.

"Okay I will fight" she promised him. "It will be hard but I will do it" she said. "But I know you, you are ready to let go. We will be here in the end. Oh I brought my friends and I think one might end up my guy" she said softly and blushed.

"Then you have to let me meet him, have them come on in." He tried to push himself up but he was so weak. She automatically helped him set up. He saw her gesture them all in. "Nice to meet you all wish it was under better circumstances."

"Hi" a shy red head said softly. "I am Willow and this is my boyfriend Oz" she took the hand of the blue haired man next to her.

"Hey man" Oz raised up his one hand and smiled.

"I am Xander and this is Anya" Xander said his arm around Anya.

"Hello Buffy has talked about you a lot" Anya smiled. For once she did not get to blunt knowing it would not be a good time for it, or even talk about sex. This was not the place for it, this was a room for death not a room of life.

"Hey man I am Spike" the bleached hair man said in a British accent. He held out his for Collins to shake and Collins like that. He noticed the way Spike hovered around Buffy and he knew the young man was in love with his little sister. It would be good for her to find love and have it in her life since life was short.

"Thank you for taking care of our girl" Collins said and he saw the others nod. "It was good she was not alone out there that was what we were scared of happening." They all knew it was not good for any of them to be alone, they would all be in worse places if they did not have each other. "By the way you look great in Angel's coat and Mimi would love it you paired it with her boots."

"Well they were always fashionable" Maureen grinned. "Remember the time they tried to make over Joanne and I believe that Buffy was in on that" she laughed.

Buffy blushed and grinned. "Well you have to admit it was nice to see her in something other then her suits, and it was good to know she let out her sex kitten side. Which by the looks of it she is keeping it up."

"Figured it was the least I could do for three of my favorite girls that are not Maureen" Joanne said. This was a family and it was dying and they were still able to find humor and joke and have a good time. She knew this is what Collins would want not doom and gloom and tears.

"I have it on film Maureen's first reaction." Mark was glad he had so many moments on tape because if not who would be around to keep the memories alive. "I will have to show your friends some film's I have made, of course my family are the stars."

"Oh and don't forget you had the camera turned on you a time or two" Buffy smiled.

Willow looked at the others and saw they were watching Buffy interact with her other friends, well family as she called them. Buffy was relaxed with them back in Sunnydale but not like this, she was at ease here at home, she was happy despite knowing her friend was dying very soon. "Look at her she is full of energy she does not look sick here" she whispered.

"I am glad she is happy" Spike said honestly just as softly. He could not take his eyes off his girl. Sure she was not his girl yet but she would be one day if he got his wish. "You mates sound like one right close family, lucky to have each other."

"You got that right" Collins said. He began coughing and immediately the air changed. Buffy got a bucket and held it under knowing he was going to get sick and when he was done she sit it aside. She took the cloth from Maureen on was sitting on the other side of Collins on the bed holding Joanne's hand. She ran the cloth of his forehead. She had one arm around him and looked at the others sadly.

"We all love you Collins" she said. She kissed him on his head and continued to wipe his forehead.

"We will be right back" Oz said leading the others out. "I figured we should give them alone time with him" he said to the others when they were out in the hallway.

"He didn't even look like the guy Buffy showed us in the picture. So small and so pale, he looks like death" Xander shivered. "That is what Buffy was talking about, how she would look" he said sadly.

"It has never been more real then now" Willow said sadly. "We really can not do anything to stop this we just have to be here for her. I don't know if I can say good bye though" she said starting to cry a bit.

"I can understand that it is not easy" Buffy said walking out into the hallway. "Sorry I did not mean to over hear I just need to use the restroom and make a call. You dont have to stay till the end with me I understand, it would be easier if you didn't, you don't need to see that last image of me."

"Kitten I am not going to be anywhere else" Spike held her in front of him."I can't be anywhere but where you are, you have me. You have me by your side forever. Heaven help me for what I am about to do." He pulled her closed and kissed her softly on the lips. "I love you Buffy Summers and I am not leaving, I am here as long as you are."

"Spike" she breathed out and pulled back. "I never wanted you to love me it will hurt you so much when I die it will happen" she said tears flowing down her cheeks. "But I love you to I did not think I could fall in love till now and now I know it won't last forever, we have only a short time together."

"Then we will make the most of that time" he caressed her cheek. "Be my girl?"

"Always" she said and laid her cheek against his open palm. "Always will be your girl even when I am gone. I can't be anyone but yours."

Mark and the others were silent in the room as they heard Buffy and Spike talking. Mark was filming the whole thing. He was happy for Bufy she found real love at last. And everyone of those friends out there were welcome into the family especially Spike. Being with Buffy he was family. "He was the one she was always meant to find" he said softly and turned to the others.

"I know I am glad she has him. She will need him when I go, and Mark you lean on everyone, you are the witness you have it worse then the rest of us" Collins said seriously. "Don't be strong break down you have them all."

"Yeah Mark we are here for you" Joanne said. "I know Buffy is to and that means Spike will be also and if I am correct so will her other friends."

"Now you all go home and get some sleep I will be fine" Collins said. "Show them our loft that is full of memories."

"Okay see you later" Maureen said. She kissed Collins on the cheek so did Joanne then Mark gave him a hug. They left the room and gave him one last look. Something was different this time they were not sure why. "Collins wants some rest so we can come back tommrow."

Buffy ran in and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you."

"Love you to and glad you got your guy he is a good one. Angel and Mimi and even Roger would love him, well after Roger questioned him" Collins laughed.

"Very true see you in the morning." She gave his hand one last squeeze before leaving his room. She shut the door quietly behind her. "Lets get my stuff dropped off back home. If you want you guys can stay in Mimi's old apartment? I mean if Joanne and Maureen don't mind."

"Yeah that is fine the rest of us can bunk down in the loft."

"We don't want to put you out" Willow said right away. She did not want to be disliked or anything.

"She is right it will be easier you guys seeing each other, it is a long way up town and expensive" Mark said. They got there luggage from security and left the hospital. Buffy shivered and pulled her coat tighter.

"I missed this place the smells, the buildings, everything" she said and looked around. "It feels like I have never left."

Cordelia Chase was across the street with some people from school and a teacher. "Buffy Summers is such a loser" she whispered. "Oh Miss. Mason Buffy Summers and her friends are over there" she said with false sweetness. "Shouldn't they be with one of you teachers or at the hotel."

"Miss Summers has special permission to go home, she is from here and her friends have special permission to be with her." She did not add all the teachers knew about Buffy's medical and the state of it, they wanted her to be happy so they knew this would make her happy.

Cordelia huffed and crossed her arms and glared daggers. She would find out what was going on with little Miss Buffy Summers and humiliate her. She should not allowed to be from here, that would make her cooler then Cordelia herself and that can't be. "Watch your back Buffy" she hissed under her breath.

It took about a hour to reach alphabet city, then even longer to get home. Buffy was saying hi and hugging a lot of people, she was missed by a lot. At the apartment building Buffy opened the door for the first time in what felt like forever. She smiled as she led the group to the loft. She opend the door and let her stuff down and squeal. "Home" she said. She laughed and hugged everyone and Spike spun her around. "This is my home" she said proudly.

The place was a mix of everyone things including Roger's and Mimi's. She was glad she was sharing a place with Mark and Joanne and Maureen. The only room that won't be touched is Collins, it would not be right. "This is the living room" Mark said, "kitchen" he pointed to it. "My room, Buffy's Room, Joanne and Maureen's, and Collins" he pointed to each door. "Spike are you saying with Buffy?"

"You can if you want" she said and smiled shyly up at him. She picked up her bags ready to get back into her life here.

"Okay since she does not mind" Spike smiled happily. He could wake up and go to bed with his favorite girl now. He would enjoy that as long as it last because no one knew how long that would be. He followed her to her room and saw her put her bags down.

"Joanne and Maureen put everything just like I like it including the clothes. I am going to unpack later. Just put your bags by mine" Buffy said. She went to her closet and pulled out a pair of black leather pants and a red tank top. "Can you get me some water while I get dressed?"

"Can do babe" he kissed her and he loved it when she kissed him back. He heard the others leave. "Where are they going?"

"The loft above us where the others are staying" she said. She smiled at him as he left the room. She took off her cloths and put a new bar and underwear. Then she put on a pair of red high heeled knee high boots and a black sheer top over the red tank top. She let her down and wavy a bit messed up. "Thank you" she said taking the water from him when she stepped out of her room.

"Mark you here?" a voice called.

She put her finger to lips to silence Spike. "Now is he the only one that matters." She put a mock glare on her face and looked to the guy that came in. He was a tall black man well dressed in a business suit and loafers. "I should of known Benny you forget about me" she teased.

"Buffy" he said excitedly. He ran to her and picked her up and swung her around. "You feel lighter? Have you been eating?" he asked concerened.

"I am fine" she lied. She would get into that later. "Guess who is here to stay?"

"Really" he said happily. "The family is all back together. I saw Collins about twenty minutes ago he looks bad" he said softly.

"Yeah I know he won't be long" she said sadly. "Oh Benny this is my boyfriend Spike" she said. She was still in Benny's arms and indicated the guy behind her. She was sat down promptly on her feet.

"Hi" Benny held out his hand. "You be good to our girl or else you will have the whole of us to deal with. I have a feeling you have been aproved the others so I have no problems" he grinned. "I am Benny."

"Nice to meet ya Benny I am Spike" he shook the guys hand. He liked the fact that his girl had so many people looking out for her and watching her back.

"So where is Mark, and Maureen, and Joanne?" Benny asked.

"Showing the rest of my friends from Sunnydale Mimi's loft, they are going to be staying there. I hope you don't mind. I know Maureen and Joanne were going to stay there but this is a better arrangement less crowding."

"You know that is fine by me" he said to her. He touched her hair. "Buffy you don't look good be honest" he said softly.

"AZT not working anymore" she looked down. "It can't fight it back anymore" she whispered.

"Then you will have the best doctors" he said matter of fact. "And you will be watched closely" he said firmly.

She nodded knowing not to argue. Buffy felt Spike put a arm around her and she leaned into him. She had a feeling he did not mind those stipulations.

"Good idea help her out as much as we can. I am staying as long as she needs me" Spike said and smiled. "Can't imagine being anywhere but here anyways."

Benny was cut off when the others walked back in and soon introductions were going around. By the end everyone was fast friends. It was not long they were back on the street showing the Sunnydale gang around. They ended last at the cemetery, Buffy took a deep breath.

She reached out for Mark's hand and Mark took Maureen's and Maureen took Joanne's and Joeanne took Benny's. They walked in as a group. They all had tears streaming down their faces. The Sunnydale group knew that they would have to let them do this and follow behind. Spike wanted to take Buffy in his arms but knew now was not the time. They were soon in front of three graves.

"This our spot" Buffy told them. "Mark, Mimi, and Angel are here and so will I and so will Collins and well so will the rest of us. Benny bought this so we could all be together even in death" she said and wiped at a tear. She laid her head on Mimi's headstone and wept hardered then her Sunnydale friends heard her before.

Everyone that knew them were crying and holding onto each other. It should be easier by now but it is not it still hurt and they alawys cried here they gave up trying. After they were cried out they went and got some food at the life cafe. And the rest of the day was introducing every in Sunnydale to their community. Soon it was night and everyone was tired. After good nights they got ready for bed and went to their respective beds.

Buffy woke up grogaly when she heard the phone and she heard Mark get it. She knew instictivly and woke up Spike. "Spike" she hissed. "Get dressed." She was already crying as she put on what she wore earlier that day. "Mark" she called out. "Collins?"

"Not yet but in a few hours" he said sadly. He would cry after they were there. In ten minutes everyone in the loft was dressed and ready to go. Buffy had a idea instead of waking the others up upstairs they left them a note on the counter. Benny was waiting for them outside.

"I will drive" he said in a monotone voice. Everyone piled into his range rover and sped to the hospital. Once he parked everyone walked inside. Leaning on each other, Buffy and Maureen and Joanne sobbed as they walked into the room. They could tell he was having trouble breathing. The girls flocked around the bed. Buffy even laid her head on his shoulder and she felt him take her hand weakly.

"Told you we would be here" she whispered and squeezed his hand back.

"You didn't have to come see me like this" he rasped out. The others looked at him like he was crazy.

"We would not be anywhere else" Mark said. His camera was sit up and running, this would be one of the last times he was on screen. They crowded around the bed taking their spots. Spike stood next to Buffy and put his hand on her shoulder.

They all had a hand on Collins and they all sang I will Cover You Angel and Collins song. They knew he would die in a few minutes. He smiled as they sang and closed his eyes. Soon he was no longer breathing. Buffy was sobbing so hard she was shaking. "Collins" she sobbed out over and over again.

Maureen and Joann were holding onto each other. While Buffy looked at Spike then at Mark. She knew Spike would understand. She threw herself at Mark they held each other and cried. They cried for twenty minutes before the were asked to leave to they could take care of the body. Hearing the word body caused the tears to flow again. They left the hospital as a group a crying Buffy between a crying Mark who turned his camera off and Spike and Maureen and Joanne huddled together sobbing. They hated the hospital but also hated knowing that this would not be the last time.

When they got back to the loft they sat on the couch together. Spike went out and got them something to eat and drink. When he came back they were laid out together. He saw Buffy and Mark on the couch asleep holding each other and Maureen and Joanne on the chair huddled together asleep. He covered them up. He hated seeing the still wet tear tracks on Buffy's face, normally he would be jealous of her and Mark but he can't, this is how they survived with each other. He never fully got that till tonight being there when Collins died, they came together as one unit and won't let each other go. He stretched out in the other chair and closed his eyes blocking out a mental picture of what Buffy could look like at the end and fell asleep.

Tonight was the night that no one will forget, one of the good ones died, one of the most honest, true, smart, kind people Alphabet city has ever seen.


	9. Chapter 9

Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon and Rent belongs to Johnathan Larson and his family.

**Chapter Nine**

_Previously on Season's of Love........_

_When they got back to the loft they sat on the couch together. Spike went out and got them something to eat and drink. When he came back they were laid out together. He saw Buffy and Mark on the couch asleep holding each other and Maureen and Joanne on the chair huddled together asleep. He covered them up. He hated seeing the still wet tear tracks on Buffy's face, normally he would be jealous of her and Mark but he can't, this is how they survied with each other. He never fully got that till tonight being there when Collins died, they came together as one unit and won't let each other go. He streatched out in the other chair and closed his eyes blocking out a mental picture of what Buffy could look like at the end and fell asleep._

_Tonight was the night that no one will forget, one of the good ones died, one of the most honest, true, smart, kind people Alphabet city has ever seen._

The next few days Buffy and her friends spent deciding funeral arrangements. They tried to contact his family but they just ignored them. They had kicked him out at 16 because he was gay and have not seen or spoken to him. They did not even seem upset by his death, just said we don't care do not call us again. Buffy got so angry they would treat their own son like that, they had no idea what a smart and loving man their son was it did not matter if he was gay or straight, who he was as a person did not depend on his sexuality. "I can't believe them" Buffy raged when Mark hung up the phone. "Talking like that about Collins."

"You can't change people Buff" Xander said. The Sunnydale gang was lounging in various places.

"I know that but still it makes me so mad" she glared.

"I know what you mean" Mark said sadly. "They never knew their son and what a great man he was."

"We were lucky to know him" Maureen added as she and Joanna were sitting side by side, arms around each other.

"I wish we could of known him better" Willow said. "He seemed very nice, someone I would of enjoying talking to and spending time with."

"Thanks that means so means so much to us that you would say that" Joanne smiled, it was a mix of a happy and a sad smile.

Buffy wondered who would miss her when she died. Other then the people in this room and her Aunt Joyce she was sure no one else would. "He would of loved you all if he got the chance to know you better. But I know he liked you from what he said in the hospital he did like you in the first meeting." She moved and sat on the window sill and traced a heart in the light frost on the window. She was lost in thought thinking about everyone and her future. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up and saw Spike, she leaned into him and closed her eyes as he stroked her hair.

Spike could tell by the look on her face she was fifty miles away. And he knew what she was thinking about, and he wanted to keep her mind off of it. He did not even want to think of the future, more specifically a future without her. He kissed the top of her head. "It will be okay Kitten" he whispered so she could only here.

"I just miss them all so much" she said and a few tears slipped down her cheeks. "You don't know what it is like to miss someone everyday of your life. It aches it hurts, so bad I want to rip my own heart out of my chest. I know it will be the same for those left behind when I die." The sobs built up and soon she had her face buried in her knees, crying and shaking from the sobs.

"Kitten" Spike wrapped his arms around her. He looked at the others helpless he had no idea what to do or say right now. He has never lost someone to that disease or know he was going to die from it too one day soon.

"Buffy" Mark said softly and sat across from her. Reaching over he touched her hair softly. "It will be okay" he assured her. "All of us will miss you yes, but we know it was coming" he said sadly. And they did and they were mentally preparing for it, it would kill them all because she was this special light that could light up the room the second she walked into the room. "Collins knows you loved him and we all miss him" he said. Suddenly his arms was full of a sobbing blond.

Spike moved back, he was a bit hurt by her action but he understood it. Mark was the one that understood what she was going through right now, they both lost a family member so it is understandable they hold tightly on to each other. He sat by Willow and Xander and they all looked sadly at Willow.

The loft was quiet as Buffy sobbed in Mark's arms, that is the scene that Benny walked in on. "The funeral is tomorrow at 2" he said softly as the others looked at him. "Same church" he said. They all had the same church for the funeral and were buried in the same spot. He saw them nodd and he sat on a bar stool. It was not far they lost so many people to his disease that attacked the body it was in.

"Does Collins have his coat and hate and jeans and tee shirt and button up shirt and shoes?" Buffy asked pulling from Mark. She was hipcupping still a bit. "He needs to be buried in that, he loved that outfit" she said in a rush. "He needs it" she jumped up and began to pace. The othes watched her afraid to touch her or anything, afraid she would break down again.

"Yes he has it" Joanne said. "We gave it to Benny yesterday" she explained.

"Okay good, and he is next to Angel right? He can't be anywhere but there" she said in a rush.

"Of course" Benny said. "I would not put him anywhere else."

"Okay good." Buffy said. Suddenly she felt dizzy and the world went back as she crashed to the floor out cold.

There were shouts of Buffy all around the room. "Kitten" Spike said reaching her first and pulled her into his lap. "Kitten wake up?" he asked. She was breathing normal so that made him feel better and worry less.

"It is probably all the stress" Maureen said. "She is sick and her body is being attacked and this does not help the mental and emotional stress" she said softly. A few tears were leaking out of her eyes. "We should get her to bed let her get some rest" she said.

"Good idea" Mark said. "Can you carry her Spike?"

"Yeah of course" he picked her up gently in his arms and carried her into the bedroom.

For the rest of the night they looked in on her as she slept. And she slept all night and was the first one up the next morning. She saw the clock and it read 9 am and she saw Spike sleeping next to her. She knew she passed out she had no idea she would be out that long. Her body must of shut down so she can recover. She got out of bed and walked out and saw everyone asleep in various places. As she was getting coffee Mark stirred and came into the kitchen.

"Glad to see you up you had us worried" he said as he got himself a cup of coffee and began working on breakfast. "I guess you needed your rest for the day" he said softly. "We will get through it together" he said and looked at her. "We have each other, we always have and we always will."

"I know it is just so hard" Buffy said as the others stirred and began coming to get breakfast. The smell woke them up one by one. Soon the silence was so loud because everyone was eating. The time passed quickly and it was time to get ready. By 1:30 they all left, the sunnydale group in black, the Bohemian's in various colors, because they knew that is what Collins would of wanted, he did not like people to mourn for him in all black, that is what he asked of them not to do.

At the church they sat in the front row while others came and sat around the got to say something and Buffy was able to go first. Walking up she smoothed down her green shirt skirt and looked at the crowd. "Collins was my brother and father all rolled into one. I loved him so much" she said as the tears began to flow down her cheeks freely. "He was one that always fought for what he believed in. And he loved, he loved so freely, he loved all of us, he especially loved Angel, his Angel. Now they are together in peace" she said. "Good by Collins see you soon" she said and sobbed and came and sat by Mark.

Mark moved his arms around Buffy and she sobbed on his shoulder. This was so hard on all of them, but espically Buffy because she knew soon she would be dead to. He watched Joanne walked up next.

"Collins I have known him for a shorter time then the others. But it felt like I knew him my whole life. He was a free spirit. And he fought hard till the end. To see him go was hard, but he is where he would want to be with Angel. When we all met we had no idea how our lives would be intertwined for the rest of our lives. And we have no regrets. We miss you and love you, tell Angel we say hi" she said crying softly.

Next up was Maureen. "I have known him since we were kids. We always were friends, we were family. All of us are family, even though he is gone he is and always will be family. He is my brother also. He protected us and wanted us to be happy. He always spoke his mind and he always gave the advice you needed to hear because it was the truth. He was loyal and always came home and could never stay away for long." the tears came and could not stop. "We were lucky to have you in our lift" she said as she hurried back to her seat.

Marked moved Buffy to lay her head on Maureen's shoulder. He cleared his throath as some tears came out of his eyes. "Collins made life fun and interesting. He was smart, and he made people think. He watched over us all, he was our big brother. When the others died we leaned on him, but he leaned on us when he lost his love Angel. He will be missed by all of us in Alphabet City. He was well known and spread his knowledge to the world, the world has lost a great man that touched the world unlike any other." He went back to his seat next to Buffy as a few tears leaked out of his eyes.

Benny walked up and looked around. "Me and Collins made up before we lost Angel. I was glad be his friend and his room mate. He had no idea how I admired him, he had dreams and he reached many of them and some he did not. I hope his dream of stopping AIDS and HIV happen one day. It would save so many lives and some lives in here" he made eye contact with Buffy. "Until till then I hope we learn to live each day to the fullest just as Collins. You taught us so much and you will be missed" he looked at the picture before going and sitting down.

When the serivce was over they went out to the graveyard and gathered around as they buried him. The only ones that stayed the whole time was the boho group and the sunnydale gang, and the boho group sang his and Angel's song as they slowly burried the coffin. And they laid flowers on the other graves to. Buffy saw her grave next to Roger who was in the middle of her and Mimi soon her date of death would be on it she knew it to no matter what.

When the coffin was buried they silently left the graveyard and began walking down the street. That is when she saw the Queen B Cordelia Chase walked up to them.

"Well well a group of freaks" she sneered. "I don't know what makes you so special you can do whatever, even if you live here in some hovel" she said and sniffed. "And don't you all look like church mice" she said and looked them over. "You make the homeless look like queens."

"Shut up Cordelia" Buffy growled and clinched her fist. "You better shut your mouth" she hissed.

"Or you will what Summer?" she taunted. "Curse me to be a loser like you forever."

"Shut up" she yelled. And Cordelia kept up with the insults, and the others knew Buffy could handle this so they did not say anything even though it was the hardest things they have ever done in their life. "Shut up, I just burried my best friend who was family because he died of HIV."

"He was probably a loser like you and the world is better off with out him" Cordelia said cruelly. She loved the look of pain that crossed her face. Summers was being put in her place like she deserved.

Buffy had enough she raised her fist and punched Cordelia right in the nose and she knew it was broke and bleeding. "Never never talk about Collins again. He is ten times the human you are you slut. Go tell hell Cordelia Chase" she spit on her face and stepped over her and started walking. Smiling she looked at the others. "I feel better, I know Collins would have loved to see it" she laughed which caused the others to. They all felt that Cordelia deserved it. When they reached Alphabet City someone grabbed Buffy from behind and forced her around and punched her it was Cordelia again.

Cordelia would not let Buffy Summers humilate her and win this. She was strong and she knew she could beat little miss skin and bones.

"This is going to be fun and well deserved" Buffy said before she attacked.


	10. Chapter 10

Rent belongs to Johnathan Larson and his family and Buffy belongs to Joss and others on the team of Buffy

**Chapter Ten**

_Previously on Season's of Love......._

_"Well well a gorup of freaks" she sneered. "I don't know what makes you so special you can do whatever, even if you live here in some hovel" she said and sniffed. "And don't you all look ike church mice" she said and looked them over. "You make the homeless look like queens."_

_ "Shut up Cordelia" Buffy growled and clinched her fist. "You better shut your mouth" she hissed._

_ "Or you will what Summer?" she taunted. "Curse me to be a loser like you forever."_

_ "Shut up" she yelled. And Cordelia kept up with the insults, and the others knew Buffy could handle this so they did not say anything even though it was the hardest things they have ever done in their life. "Shut up, I just burried my best friend who was family because he died of HIV."_

_ "He was proably a loser like you and the world is better off with out him" Cordelia said cruely. She loved the look of pain that crossed her face. Summers was being put in her place like she desevered._

_ Buffy had enough she raised her fist and puched Cordelia right in the nose and she knew it was broke and bleeding. "Never never talk about Collins again. He is ten times the human you are you slut. Go tell hell Cordelia Chase" she spit on her face and stepped over her and started walking. Smiling she looked at the others. "I feel better, I know Collins would have loved to see it" she laughed which caused the others to. They all felt that Cordeila deserved it. When they reached Alphabet City someone grabbed Buffy from behind and forced her around and punched her it was Cordelia again._

_ Cordelia would not let Buffy Summers humilate her and win this. She was strong and she knew she could beat little miss skin and bones. _

_ "This is goign to be fun and well deserved" Buffy said before she attacked._

Buffy grabed Cordelia and twisted her arm behind her back till she heard the other girl cry out in pain. "You are going to regret what you did" she said a smirk in her voice. She let Cordelia go and the other girl fell to the ground. Buffy forced her up and punched her in the mouth. "Now that part of you should not move around me ever again."

Cordelia could not believe what was happening. Buffy Summers was hitting her in the street and no one helped her. Hello she was beautiful the men should be rushing to help her. She saw that they must be losers and freaks here in New York like one Miss Buffy Summers. She pushed Buffy and went to hit the other girl but saw Buffy blocked her punch with her hand.

"Cordelia I have far more experince in fighthing then you so if you were smart you would give up" Buffy taunted pushing Cordelia back and grabbing her flinging her on the ground. "I did not want to fight not today. I buried someone that was a brother and father to me. And you mess with me after that means I don't care how much pain you are in." Buffy kicked Cordelia in the stomach and got some sick satisfaction of watching her curl up. She knew that the brunette could not take much more. "So just give up."

"Freak" Cordelis spat out in pain and sat up. "All of you are freaks" she forced herself up. "I can't believe I wasted my time even coming after you." She turned and tried to walk away with dignity and not force herself to wince in pain. She was sure everyone would want to know what happened. She would delight in telling everyone from school just how much of a freak Buffy Summers was.

"Don't come back in this area again princess you are not welcome" Buffy yelled. "No one will protect you" she said. She knew the other girl could hear from the way the spin stiffened. That meant she got the picture and Buffy was satisfied with that. "Well Collins would get on me for fighting" she said as she turned back to the others. "But Cordelia deserved it, she has been pushing me all year and finally she caught me on a day she shouldn't and it boiled over."

"Well she is a bitch" Willow said. She saw her friends stare at her in shock. "What I do occassionally say some words" she said and went beet red.

Buffy had to laugh and she explained to the boho's why everyone was shocked since they had a confused look on their face. "Well you know Will already she is sweet and kind, it is just shocking to hear her talk that way about someone. Even though the feelings for Cordelia are all the same for us."

"Kitten you have done what all of us have wanted to do at one point in time" Spike said. Walking up to her he slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "But how about we get you home"he said. He knew it was a long emotional day for Buffy, for them all. And she passed out yesterday and he was still worried. He did not want something like that to happen again.

"That sounds like a great idea" Joanne said agreeing with Spike. She liked how he was with her friend and sister. He treated her like a queen. And he treated her with respect and as a equal but he was also protective of her. They were all worried for Buffy's health since she told them the news and with her passing out like she did yesterday it all just hit home.

Buffy nodded and laid her head on Spike's shoulder. She was beginng to feel the adrenaline wear off from the fight. And she just wanted to be home now and curled up on the couch surrounded by everyone. "That sounds good to me, the couch is calling my name."

"Well then lets get you to the couch" Mark said as he walked on her other side. They headed to the apartment quiet for most part only speaking occassionally.

"I am going to get changed" Willow said as they walked into the apartment building.

"Me to" Xander and Anya and Oz added. They headed up to where they were staying and were going to put on some comfy clothes.

"That sounds even better to me" Maureen said. She looked down at her clothes and sighed. She only wore these for funeral's and she knew one other she would be wearing it to and it killed her. "I want out of these" she said when they walked into the loft. Hurrying into her and Joanne's room so she could change quickly.

"I say we all change" Buffy said. "And we can all be comfortable then" she commented. Leaving Spike's arms she walked into her bedroom and began to strip down out of the black dress and heels.

"I am worried about her" Spike told Mark and Benny softly so she could not hear. "I am afraid she will make it go faster if she does to much or gets overly stressed."

"We are all worried" Mark admited. "We have seen this before. Where the body starts wearing down." They saw it in everyone. And it was a sign that things were just progressing so quick. "But Buffy won't slow down she takes the saying live life for today serious."

"If she would quit her job even that would help" Benny said. "But she won't she is to independant. I am not sure if she told you but she works at the Cat Scratch club, she both dances and sings, one of the favorites" he said. He did not know if Buffy told Spike all about her job and such and her past.

"Yeah she worked at a place like that in Sunnydale. I may not like it but she is her own woman. I love her all the same" Spike said. He hated that she danced for men but in her head it was the only thing she could do. You could not force someone do something else if they did not want to.

"She will have to stop one day" Mark said and looked down. Leaning back against the counter, he knew that day would mean she was at the end. "She will stop when she can barely move from pain. She will hide her pain till she can't anymore" he advised the other man. "She hates to make everyone worry, its her way of protecting us from it all. We have learned the signs though of the pain."

"I hope she does not hurt herself ever more" Spike sighed and sat on the arm of the couch. He heard a door open and looked over to make sure it was not Buffy coming into the room. He saw it was both Maureen and Joanne and gave them a smile. And the door to the loft opened and Willow,Oz, Xander, and Anya joined them.

Buffy came in last and saw them all sitting and talking together. It made her feel good both sets of her friends meshed well together. But she knew here soon that Willow, Oz, Anya, Xander, and Spike would have to go back to Sunnydale. She wished they could stay but she knew they couldn't. The only one that would fight to stay would be Spike, it was something she knew instictivly. Walking into the kitchen she just quietly listened to them all talk and fixed herself a cup of coffee. Feeling arms around her she smiled up at Spike. "Hey I am glad to see you are getting along with everyone."

"They are great pet" Spike leaned down and pecked her on the lips. "I can tell why you love them so much" he told her still holding her. He did not want to let go, one day he would not be able to do this she would not be here anymore, and that thought killed him. He hid his pain and fear and everything from her not wanting to upset her or make her worry over him, she needed to focus on herself and staying strong. "How you feeling?"

"Suprisingly well" Buffy said honestly. "I know it sounds crazy I just buried someone I love so much but I am feeling okay. I know he is at peace and with Angel so I think that is why. Where he is he does not have to worry about his body and keeping it healthy and just everything."

"I understand why you feel good" Spike said. He ran a hand up and down her arm. "Physically how are you feeling?"

"Still the same" she said softly. "Of course I have no idea when that is going to change. But it will and Spike when it does if you can't stick around I understand. It is not easy to watch or go through on my end or yours" she turned in his arms and looked up at him. "So if you have to go when the time comes no hard feelings."

"Sorry kitten you are stuck with me" he kissed her nose. "I love you and I am not going anywhere. In fact I am staying here when the others go back to Sunnydale. I feel my place is with you and you will need me and I want to be here when you need me. Plus I need to be here till the end I need to say good bye, it is the only way I can go on" he said and looked into her eyes. He felt her press her lips against his in a soft but passionate kiss and he kissed her back. "I love you" he said when he pulled back from the kiss.

"I love you to" Buffy said to him. I am so lucky she thought to herself. Spike was the kind of guy every girl wanted the guy that was there for you through thick and thin. "I love you so much." Turning to the rest of the group she felt at peace with her life, knowing what was coming for her she even felt peace about. "I have to work tonight" she told Mark. "So can you entertain and show them what goes on at night?"

"Yeah I can do that" Mark said. "You up for working?"

"Yeah I am" she told him honestly. "I have to work to make money anyway" she shrugged. "And no Benny you are not using your influence to get a job anywhere else" she said cutting him off when she saw him opening his mouth. It seemed she always knew what they were going to say most of the time before they even opened their mouth.

"Okay" Benny said. "I will be good"he smiled. "If you need a ride back give one of us a call" he said.

"I will be fine I walked home all the time" she laughed. "But you are so sweet to worry" she added.

They day passed quickly with all of them staying in the loft and just talking. She did not even miss tv after she got use to it when she was with her aunt. Of course she did not have it before that so she could not miss something she only had a short time. When it got time to get to work she got her stuff together and said good bye and left the loft and headed off to work. At work she got dressed right away and waited her turn. When it was her turn she came out on stage and began moving to the music that was playing. As she danced she began to sing Mimi's song Out Tonight. She was allowed to take that song up after Mimi bcause they were such good friends and Mimi taught her all the moves to go with it.

When it was over she got off stage and began serving until she had to go on again and sing her song. The night was sucesseful and she was counting her tips before she left. She had made 500 hundred that night, and she did not even get the pervy men to request any lap dances just the nice normal guys. Of course they all have some pervert in them even the nice normal guys, they have to, to come into the Cat Scratch club. When she walked into the loft everyone was gone expect Mark and Spike. "Hey you two" she kissed Mark on the cheek and kissed Spike on the lips and sat down on his lap. "Have a good evening?"

"Yeah we did" Mark smiled. It was great to see Buffy so happy. It was all because of Spike to, she had a man that loved her for her which she always deserved in his opinion. "Good night at work?"

"Yep got 500 hundred tonight" she said holding it up out of her pocket. "So tommrow we are going out to eat for lunch and dinner" she told him. "You have a good time with everyone?" she asked Spike her green eyes turning to meet his blue ones.

"Yeah I did pet. Everyone is right nice" he told her running a hand through her blond hair. He gave a small yawn and grinned. "Guess I am more tired then I thought" he said. "I am going to head to bed. You coming?"

"I will in a few I a alawys a bit jazzed after work. I will be in after I calm down" she kissed him and stood up. She watched him leave and sat back down next to Mark. Her legs curled up under herself and she turned and smiled at Mark. "Thanks for being so welcoming to everyone."

"You know how we are, we are welcoming to all. We are not jerks like that" Mark said. He looked her over closely and saw that she did not look as tan anymore. "You sure you are okay?"

"Yeah I am fine" she said. "Fine as I can be. You know today I found peace with everything. I can't chang anything in the past or what is going to happen. But I am happy. I have my friends, my family and Spike" she said and looked at Mark. She could always be open and honest with him and tell him things she could not tell others. "So I have some peace."

"I am glad" Mark said. "I mean you deserve it. You are a rare gem" he said and smiled. He loved her so much and just wanted to see her happy up until the end. "You better get to bed and get some rest. You need to keep your strength of up"he gave a kiss on the cheek and pulled her up. He walked with her to her bedroom door. "See you in the morning" with a smile he turned and walked into his which was next to hers.

Going into her room she saw Spike was already asleep and gave a soft smile. Changing into her pjs she got into bed and closed her eyes. It did not take her long to fall asleep. And sleep came and it was dreamless and she felt happy as Spike held tight to her as they both slept that night.


End file.
